is it normal?

Have you ever been in a situation where you just want to crawl under a box and get away from everything? Have you ever been in a situation where the person you love, brings you fear? Have you ever tried to sleep at night, and was amazed about how many sheep you could count up to? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and could pick out at least 10 different things you weren't happy about?

I think 1 out of 2 teenage girls have. It's normal. It's normal to think you're ugly when you're not. It's normal to find so many things wrong about yourself/your body. It's normal to think you're fat when you're not. But what's also normal is for people to tell you that you're beautiful. For people to not find anything wrong about you/your body. For people to be confused about the fact that you think you're fat... when really, you're not.

There was a time a few years ago when I couldn't wait to be in high school. Year 9. Year 9 for all of us was "cool". When you got to Year 9, you'd be classified as cool. But I didn't, to be really honest, think that anything would change except for what grade I'm in and how old I am. And probably my height. But I still thought I'd be able to still fit into those jeans. Or that shirt. Or that dress. I didn't think I'd grow out of them because I was so attached to being a kid and not taking responsibility for anything. Always relying on my parents.

When you start to grow up as a teenage girl, your body changes. I gained weight because of that reason. You can ask anybody I know and they'd tell you I don't eat a lot. I'm really fussy when it comes to food and I can't handle a lot of it. I don't eat most of the meals my mum makes. My mum even says I don't eat enough. But here I am, gaining weight and getting depressed. Over something that is normal. Not every girl goes through it, but most girls do. When you get your period, your body is getting used to a whole different system, I guess you can call it. So things will change.

But I was confused. Just like most girls, I was confused and I was lost. That's what I wrote "Will This Be All Over Soon" about. I didn't know what to do. I wanted God to send down a message. I didn't know if I should just wait or do something. I didn't know and I still don't know. I'm still waiting for a message. Of course, my mind changes every once in a while. One time, I'd actually lose weight. But the next day, I'd gain it all back.

And I didn't know why or how.

Have you ever known or heard about a teenager who has committed suicide because they didn't like their life? I'm not going to call them stupid because I've felt the same way. I haven't committed suicide, of course, or else I wouldn't even be typing this (and I would never kill myself, just to let you know. I know that God has a day planned for me where we will meet once again). But I know how it feels to wish, I guess you can put it, to die or.. just be out of this world. And run away.

But you know what keeps me strong? Me. I keep myself strong. I look at other people who've also had a bad teenage life, but as I look at them now, now that they're in their 20's; life is good for them. They took control of their life more.

That's what keeps me strong. I still believe.

As I write this, I'm wondering who is reading. A couple of people I know personally have told me they've read some of my blogs and they loved it, but who else? Is is somebody I know personally? Somebody I dislike? Somebody who hates me?

Either way, I'm still going to speak. I'm going to let things out. It's your choice whether to read my blogs or not. Of course, I'd love for you guys to have a read and comment. But I'm not exactly forcing you. It's your choice, in the end. I just needed somewhere to let things out and I've decided on a blog site. Of course... I'd love for you to comment telling me you're thoughts and if you related.

So thanks, once again. For everything. It means a lot to me. All of your comments, they mean the world to me.

And last of all... Thank you for listening to what I have to say. To what I have to share. THANK YOU so much. You have no idea how much this all means to me.

I love you beautiful people.

P.S I like how you've done your hair today. :)

(and no I'm not crazy. i'm not watching you either. but i still like the way you've done your hair today. Oh and I'm lovin' your style, guuuurl! Oh and those earrings! Amazing!)

Love you. xo -Hiba