appriciate

Yesterday was a weird day. Everything seemed weird. The weather was weird, I was weird, my parents were weird; life was weird.

We went out to play Baseball (my homeroom with another homeroom) outside at school. It was hot that morning. It was warm. I kept saying "It's soo hot" And I'd take off my scarf and jumper and gloves. I needed those because when you're in Melbourne, you never know when the weather might change. So, as I was saying, it was a sunny morning. It was only 2nd period that it started to get windy.

That's when we decided to go and play baseball. Just a moment later, we see these huge black clouds form above us and we're all like "look, look!" And the cold, cold, COLD wind just blew against our faces and blew the girls' skirts up (thank God I wasn't wearing a skirt that day). It was weird weather.

So we didn't even finish a game when it just did our head in. It was soo windy, and the wind was really cold, we almost froze.

Then just when we thought it wouldn't get any worse, it started to rain. We ran into a classroom and we're all like, "ahhh". Cause it was warm in the room.

Weird.

And the funny part was, my friend was like, "Shitttt! That reminded me of that Twilight scene where they're playing baseball and it's all windy and thunderstormy."

Anyway, back to my story..

As I was saying, words can just get you bad. They just stab you in the heart and you feel like you can't breathe when you are breathing. It's a feeling nobody can really explain clearly.

I know I can't.

Basically, when people call you names, that is the thing you believe you are. If somebody calls you a dog, you'll see a dog in the mirror. (Happened to Christa Black, which I'm truly sorry about). If somebody calls you ugly, ugly is what you see in the mirror. Whatever you get called that hurts your feelings, that is the face looking back at you when you look in a mirror.

Ugly, fat, skinny, ugly dog, stupid blonde, bitch, slut..

Those are only some of the words that can cut people to the core. Sometimes you're called these things from people who don't like who they are. People who are insecure about themselves so they call you names to make you feel insecure and to make themselves feel better.

I'll share with you my story, which I've never shared before. I won't tell you who said this to me, but that's not what you need to know, anyway.

This person is supposed to support me and help me forget about the things that I'm finding hard. Instead, this person points out the things I'm finding hard and calls me a "fat bin."

You have noo idea how much this hurt.

Not only am I fat, but I'm a fat BIN?

To be honest, I don't think I'm fat. But I don't think I'm skinny either. I'm not even sure what I am. Where to turn. What to think. Should I stop eating? Should I exercise more? Should I even bother? Should I change my ways? Should I fight back? All these questions haunted me because nobody would answer them.

If you've ever had a rough day, you'll get through it. Trust me. And at the end of that day, you'll have something to smile about because you just fought through a day you didn't want to fight through. And that's what life is all about.

Sure, I've wished to be and look like Miley Cyrus and have her fame and all of that. When I'd have rough jobs to do or have a tough day, all that was on my mind was "I bet Miley Cyrus doesn't have to do this," or something like that.

But I've come to realize that being a famous person may be even harder than being non-famous. I mean, I can't even handle a rumor going around my friends about me.. Can you imagine what will happen if a rumor was going around the whole entire world about me? On websites? In songs? In BLOGS? I am going to appreciate that I have a private life now and I chose whether to share it or not.

That's why I appreciate what I have today. I do my best to live to the fullest.

I've always been told that I get only one shot at life. That made sense. But what do they mean by that?

Then I just thought. Late at night, I thought about that quote.

"Sure, you only get one shot at life.
But that's not the problem.
The problem is, you don't know when your
shot is going to end." -Hiba

I thought of that after a few deaths that started to occur in my life. My cousin had died from an asthma attack in his sleep, and he was only 20 years old. Nobody knew he was going to die. HE didn't know he was going die.

I've heard people complaining, let's say on YouTube, that they don't have "enough" subscribers or whatever. What is "enough" anyway? If you have only TWO subscribers that watch your videos and take time to comment, you should APPROPRIATE that fact. This sort of relates to real-life situations. If you want more friends, but you've only got one.. but that one is a GOOD friend, you should appreciate. If your mum or dad or somebody else buy you UNDERWEAR for your birthday instead of an iPod or a Laptop.. You should appreciate that they actually got you something.

Don't think of WHAT this person has GIVEN you, think of this PERSON, who was smarter than those who didn't get anything. APPRECIATE.

I love you all. Thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me. Especially when you guys are getting inspired to write your own blogs by reading mine.

That means the world to me, to inspire somebody by just sharing my story. I've been willing to share my story for so long now, and I've finally come to my senses to do so. I shouldn't hold things back. And still today, I would never share my story with somebody face-to-face. I find it easier to write a blog about it, where anybody can just read it. Without me telling them to, or forcing them to.

You guys are amazing. I love you soo much. God loves you more than anybody in the world. Remember, beautiful girls, you're all PRETTY. Don't let people bring you down just because they feel insecure about themselves.

The only thing that can stop you from winning is to take yourself out of the game.

So don't let the fear of losing keep you from playing the game.

Don't let the fear of rejection keep you from loving.

Look up at your sky. God is smiling at you. So are the people who you have lost. So is HEAVEN. I love you guys and I'm smiling right now, just for YOU.

xxx -Hiba