Thursday, August 20, 2009

it cut right through me

Hi. I am Hiba. If you wanna know me in just a few short sentences, look at the bar to your right. That is basically who I am. I started this blog because Christa Black inspired me to. She actually gave me confidence. To just.. let things out. So I am going to let things out, no matter how hard it may be or easy or whatever.

Let's start by saying I can't write too much considering the fact that I'm going to school soon. It's raining outside and it is freezing. I can't wait until Winter's over. I just can't wait until Summer! :) Melbourne wheather is... weird. If you live in Melbourne, you'd know what I'm on about. I mean, literally, there's like 4 seasons in just a few days. Yesterday was sunny and warm. Today's rainy and windy and COLD. It's annoying, especially when you buy something just for warm days and it ends up being warm just for one day.

Anyway, I'm going to start my story. I know.. that I'm just a teenager, but I do have a lot to tell. A lot to let out. So I'm just gonna go for it, hoping things will just be better by the time I finish...

Have you ever had a day where you just know that things can't go wrong? Things are going great, wonderful, and you're actually smiling? Of course you have. It truly is a moment to cherish because.. well, anything can happen. And I've learned that. Something that is just so small can crush down that wall you were building, in order to keep all the sadness and the negativeness and just everything. This has happened to me a lot of times and each time, I fall harder than I ever have. I'll start from one situation, which I don't really want to bring up again, but I kinda have to. It was a day where I was happy, sad, happy then sad. Happy then wayyy sad.

I logged onto a website which was about fans of the JoBros' would unite and just talk. I always get onto this website to get away from everything and be with my online friends. This time, however, things didn't go the way I had planned. Instead of feeling better, I felt worse. Just to let you know, I am one of the people who try finding other peoples faith. I tried doing that when some of them starting to doubt that JoBro's would actually come to Australia. I thought I was happy, and I was. But when I logged on and clicked on a topic a girl had made.. I read what she had to say. Guess who it was about? Me. That's right, me. She said all these things, using my name, that just cut me right through just like a knife would. Of course, she has freedom of speech and is entiltled to her own opinion. But this wasn't right. I was sure it wasn't right. I never did anything bad to her, or to anybody else. But here she is, writing about me using my name. It's much different when you get spoken about, directed to you, using your actual name than to just read and relate.

These words had cut me to the core. This person just proved me how much words can hurt. How much words that you read can hurt. I didn't know what to do. My heart was aching and.. so I just started to cry. I'm emotional and sentive. I take jokes seriously that aren't meant to be taken seriously. I get offended by things that aren't meant to offend you. Can you imagine how I felt when this was actually known to offend me? This person wrote that she knew it might offend me. And it did. I cried all night, didn't go online for what felt like ages. I just needed to.. have a break. This person also said this line which hurt more than anything in the world: "You're living in some fantasy with a guy you'll never meet and who's in love with someone else anyway." She was talking about Nick Jonas, who I have to include, is my inspiration.

Sometimes.. Fantasy is better than reality. When I have a bad day, I fantasize and I kinda feel better. It just makes me happy. Of course, I must get back to reality but as long as I was smiling for even if it was 2 seconds, I'm okay.

Anyway, I will continue the story tomorrow. I have to get to school or I'll be late. Thank you for reading.



  1. awww :(
    and as for the fantasy thing.. i sorta know exactly where youre coming from :)

  2. Elyse (JoBroNo1Fan)Thursday, 20 August, 2009

    Hiba...I love it! :)
    Like I said it's really..really..I can't think of the word's really something I needed. Reading a blog by a teenager is helps so much to know other people are going through the same things..and sometimes it just helps me to see a clearer picture on life when I'm having an off day.
    Blogs by teens I think are the please continue writing..I know I will always read it! :D

  3. hiba

    that last blog was so touching
    i'm not the most religous person but i do believe in god and heaven and all that and what u wrote made me feel like i'd never have to be alone and that i'll always have someone looking out for me
    thank you :)
    love teagan aka teaganxoxo from twitter =D

  4. I completley agree with you! I take jokes seriously too, well i used to but not much anymore, and my friends make fun of me because i plan to marry Nick Jonas and I say that Ive already gone through the first two steps: Meeting Him and Meeting his family(half of it at least). But only cause I met them at a meet and greet. But I feel ya girl!


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