Monday, August 31, 2009

my apologies!

My internet download thing went away, cause my bro downloaded a lot of things and then my net started having problems that had nothing to do with the download. Stupid idot internet. I can't live without it. (But I did). Hahaha. Sooo.. My dad took it to this man and it stayed for like, 3 days and it still wasn't working. That's a lot of days that I've missed at Twittering, Blogging, Youtubing, Facebooking, and whatever else there is on the internet which I'm missed.

I'm so sorry guys!! Hahaha. I've been dying without it though. LOL. Meanwhile, I have written another song! It's called "Sympathy". Tell me what you think?

Everybody needs love to live.
Like everybody needs a heart beat.
We all need love to function properly.
Like we all need blood in our bodies.

Sometimes you look back and you think.
How love it truly is so amazing.

Cause when you're having a bad day
And everything goes wrong.
When you're told your loved too late.
And you still feel so alone.
You have to look inside your heart.
And then you will clearly see.
That behind that frown of yours.
You know there is sympathy.
When you scream into your pillow
Knowing you can't take it anymore.
All you gotta do is look at me.
And inside your heart, there'll be sympathy.

We all need a smile on our face.
When we all want that piece of chocolate cake.
All the mistakes that you have made.
Move on, and learn from them.
Cause they can not be erased.
If they hurt you bad, why do them again?

Sometimes you look back and you think.
How you can be so amazing.


Everybody needs a little love
Everybody wants a warm hug.
Someone to be there with life is tough.
Someone who listens when you've had enough.
That person to smile when you smile.
And to bring you up when you're down.
Sometimes you will get what you want.
It may take a while just to see.
That sometimes what you don't want.
Is what you need..

Sometimes you look back and you think.
How you and love, together, are amazing..

Like it? I'd love to hear what you thought of it!! :)

Oh and remember my Dolly feature? A few days back, at school, I was bombarded with questions. I then felt like pulling out my hair. Then, this girl that I really dislike and she disliked me back.. tells me, "hey Hiba, I got your mag straight after school yesterday". And I'm like, "oh cool, thanks." And then she's like, "and I stuck your picture on my wall". Uhhh.. Mean girl say WHAT? Of course I didn't say that. "Oh, Oh! Pleassssse tell me you put my picture next to Nick's? Pleeease!!" - I didn't say that either. I just.. laughed. Yeah, I laughed. It's pretty weird. But I am sooo not going to just "be friends" with this chick now. In fact, nothing's going to change.

Haha and this guy in our classes that I know is soo hilarious. Everytime I walk past he's like, "omg is that Hiba!!" and "Hayyy superstar!" LMAO. And he just mucks around and goes, "can I pull out a piece of your hair and put it in a jar?" Hahahaha! He's soo stupid and funny at the same time.

Okay, moving on.. (I'm not going to let any of this attention ruin my personal blog or change my life. Of course, there was a moment where my head grew quite a bit. But then it shrunk back down to normal size. Ha) :)

When somebody insults something about you - it can be the smallest thing, like your nose or your TOE... You're going to feel insecure about that part especially. I know it happened to me.

Nobody is really happy with what they have. If you have big boobs, you want small ones and if you have small ones, you want big ones. I've been told that I have "big ones". What do you want me to do? Simply call God and return them? I didn't ask for them, so why are you talking to me like I did? Sometimes it's those people making you insecure.

Sure, you should appreciate that fact. Like the fact that women are undertaking plastic surgery just to have big boobs, but you were just born with them. But how am I supposed to appreciate it when people don't let me forget about them? When they make me feel insecure about them? Sometimes it's a joke - for a laugh. People tell you things for a "joke".

What's a joke, anyway? Insulting somebody then saying "I'm just joking!"? after seeing their reaction? Bitch about someone and say "I'm only joking!! Chill!!"? There's no such thing as saying something bad or offensive about a person then calling it a joke.

What you say about a person, it will mark on them. Probably for life.

Have you ever had a best-friend or a close friend who you love but says things about your body that you "pretend" to take as a joke, but actually take seriously? "Hey big bum!!" "ANY LOUDER?!?!". It's... I don't know. I guess I can't explain it sometimes. I love my close friends but sometimes they're the ones making me insecure about parts of my body.

I guess that's how life works.

The close people in your life will joke around with you. But that all depends on YOU and what YOU think joking really is.

Anyway, that was a pretty personal blog!! Oh wait, there's a lot of personal blogs on here. Ha. I just... I don't have the guts to tell anybody this face-to-face. So I write it here. It's much easier. So thank you for reading about what I have to say. It means the world to me; you have noo idea.

If you wanna talk, I'm always here (unless my internet is being stupid..) But other than that, you know I'm thinking of you. You're all amazing. I've been having a tough time lately and to be able to come on here, blog about it, and see other girls relate is... an amazing feeling.

Love you beautiful girls!! *kisses and hugs* -Hiba (P.S I will reply to your comments ASAP. Need to go to sleep now. Goodnight lovelies).


Friday, August 28, 2009

i love me cause you do

Life goes past so fast; but so many things can happen. Change. It's incredible. We're almost at the end of 2009. I'm almost at the start of 10th grade (time to start taking things seriously!). Things are going past like a blur, but things are changing clearly. It's pretty weird. Of course, you look back and you go, "wow. It was like, yesterday that we were celebrating the start of 09!" But then you think about everything's that happened and you go, "but so many things have changed/happened."

Anyway, I'm gonna move on before I make the same points in different sentences. Hahaha.

My title pretty much explains my blog. When people started seeing me in Dolly Magazine; they told me I was pretty. They told me I was beautiful. They told me that that is a gorgeous picture. Of course, I cherished that moment. And I realized something, too.

I'm starting to love me because you do. You love me. You give me support and amazing love; you say that you love me and you say that I inspire you. I believe in me because you believe in me. That's how I feel right now. Of course, there will be days when I feel down and insecure. But then again, all it takes is for somebody to compliment me. Anything. Even my nose or my hair. Still, I'd feel a little better. That's how powerful words are. I never knew how words can hit or heal you so much. But now I know.

That's why I'm bracing myself for more rough days to come.

Nobody at school knows or knew that I had bad days. They didn't even think I would. That proves how amazing it is how much a smile can hide. It can hide everything. Bruises, cuts, marks and scars. Tears, hurt, and even lies. I'm sure there has been a day where you felt so miserable. But nobody really suspected. And I'm just gonna guess why..

Because you smiled. You laughed. You made yourself look like you're the happiest person on this earth. But when you get home, your smile fades. You get back to reality, sort of. Some of you describe your home as a place where you can run away. Others describe their home as World War III. Fighting and arguing with your parents is a very common thing in teenagers. Your parents won't always agree to what you have to say. Saying, "we're in the 21st century now!!" won't change a lot of things, trust me. I've tried.

But after all the fights and arguments and yelling, you've gotta know that deep inside, it's all love. You're growing up. Your parents are only used to that little kid they raised up. They don't want to see you grow up, so they go against things you wanna do. Like go out with your friends, or your boyfriend, or whatever. I know some parents that don't allow their kids to do normal socializing because they don't want them to grow.

In you and your friends eyes, you're a teenager. But in your parents eyes, you're still their little girl. Yes, it can be annoying most times. But sometimes, you've gotta cherish that moment because one day, they won't be here anymore. You'll have to handle this world by yourself. You won't be able to look back and say everything you wished to say.

So say everything now.

Believe it or not, I still kiss my daddy goodnight. Yeah, I'm 14 and I might even be embarrassed to be seen with my parents sometimes. But then I just cut out of it. I hug my parents when I'm walking through the shops. I kiss them good morning and good night. I tell them I love them before I go to school every morning.

Some people are closer with their mother. But not me. I'm more closer to my dad. I always joke around with him and act like a little kid when I'm around him. But I'm not ashamed. My parents raised me up to be the person that I am today and I'm never going to go against that fact. I'm thankful that God has blessed me with amazing people.

Anyway, I'm off. More tomorrow! Hope you enjoyed today's blog!! I love you all soo much. It means the world to me when you take time you read and comment my blogs. Seriously. It makes me feel special and I hardly ever feel special. So thank you my beautifuls.

You're all amazing. Every single one of you. Each day I smile when I think about you guys. Each day I appreciate to have such amazing friends and supporters to help me deal with a life that you guys might be dealing with too.

So thank you!! Love you all. xox -Hiba

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

yeah baby!

Guess what I'm reading right now? The September issue of DOLLY magazine! Have you got it yet?! I've already taken a picture (click to see bigger version):

Wow. Hahaha. Amazing. I never imagined that I'd get a song-writing contract or be in a magazine. It's almost like a dream coming true. ;)

I promised you guys this blog will be dedicated to you all! And I'm keeping my promise no doubt!

I also promised to post a song I wrote just yesterday. :) It's called "Words Heal Like They Hurt". Let me know what you think? I'd love to hear your opinions!

You said I wasn't beautiful.
You said you didn't love me.
You called me all these nasty words.
I didn't believe in me, suddenly.
I cried and I cried
And I wished at night
That I could run away and die.
But then you came along and you said
That life is hard but there's no need to worry.
Even if that person doesn't say sorry.

But words can heal
As much as they can hurt.
They called you ugly.
But we called you beautiful.
Oh, words.. they can heal.
Like they hurt.
Look around, this is real.
It's time that you learned.
That words can hurt.
But words can heal.
If you're smart enough
You'll smile and the world
Will smile along with you..

You said you didn't like me.
And I wondered what type you liked.
Skinny, blonde hair, bikini?
I'm sorry that I'm not what you like.
And they came on along.
And wiped away my tears.
The words that said I'm beautiful.
The words that washed away my fears.


You called me ugly.
And it cut me like a knife.
You said I wasn't pretty.
No, I wasn't alright.
But they called me amazing.
It healed, it was my cure.
They said I was beautiful.
And wiped away my tears.



Words can heal..
As much as they can hurt.
If you're afraid this isn't real.
Look around, I'm right here..

Soooo... what do ya'll think?!?! Leave a comment - I'd love to hear what you have to say!

Moving on now. I've said this a lot of times and I'm going to keep saying it. THANK YOU. You, you, you and even YOU. I love you all so much, you don't understand. Thanks for your support and comments, they honestly mean the world to me.

Some of you guys commented on my last blog, so I'll be able to use your name.

Warning: The following girls are so amazing you'll forget to breathe.

(thanks for the YOU'RE FREAKING BEAUTIFUL!!!")
(you're just simply amazing. thanks for my mention in your blog!)
(i'm sure you make bright purple uniform look amazing!)
(you're inspiring for calling my blogs inspiring. thank you!)
(YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!! you can put a smile on my face any day)
(i'm honored to have inspired you to blog again!)
(i love you for loving to read my blogs. ha! thanks so much, seriously!)
(i've known for a while; feels like years. thanks you for everything!)
(thanks so much for your comment. it means the world to me!!)
(you're so incredible! lovin ya!)
(you're always there to support me. thank you so much!)

Of course, I'd like to thank every one of you, but these people commented on my last blog when I mentioned I'd be able to put their names in my blog! Remember, I LOVE YOU ALL!!! You guys are amazing. Inside and out. Without ya'll, I wouldn't even be writing. Honestly. You guys help me as much as you claim I help YOU! Thank you so much!!!

(you girls are amazing!!! love you guys!)
(tweet tweet all you can, still lovin' ya!)
(you've been here since the beginning of all the changes. i love you so much)

Tomorrow, look forward to a blog talking more about my past. Once again, thanks so much. I love you all sooooo much; you have nooo idea!! <33>

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

words heal like they hurt

I must say that I'm thankful to be able to share my stories to you guys and have you all relate to them and possibly even help and inspire you... Really, it means so much to me. And I will continue to thank you guys for your incredible support. :)

Before I begin, I'd like to remind you all.. TOMORROW! DOLLY'S SEPTEMBER ISSUE IS IN STORES. GO BUY A COPY!!!! Nooo, not because Robby Pattinson and that Bella chick are on the cover... but because I'M featured IN THE MAG! Ahhh! Buy a copy and you'll know allllllll about my story! :) Pictures and everything! Ahhh! Some of my friends were subscribed to Dolly, which means they get an issue earlier. And they kindly took a picture and showed me and I'm like "ahhhh!". So I CAN'T WAIT until Wednesday, (tomorrow), to get myself a copy.

Are you gonna get a copy?! Find it anywhere. From petrol-station stores to IGA to coles to Big W... :) Let me know what you think of my story once you do get a chance to get yourself a copy and read my article! Yes! :)

Okay, moving on now.. I must say that yesterday has been a great day for me. I'm not gonna like, jinx anything or anyone, so *knocks on the wood*... but I was actually happy. I felt good and proud and sort of special because I was fasting (it's the holy month of Ramadan) and school was good, and fun. & then I got home and found out about my feature in the September DOLLY. I live for these days, man. Honestly. I know that there's a lot of days where you just can't take it anymore.

You scream in your pillow. You cry like no tomorrow. (I think I feel a new song coming..) You blame yourself for the things life has thrown at you. (OMG, I think I'm actually inspired enough to write a song!!) You feel like you're alone in this huge world. You feel like nobody's listening. (Okay that's it, tomorrow's blog you're gonna see a new song no doubt!). You just don't feel like living and dealing with the things you don't want to deal with.

But then comes the days where you just seem to forget about that all and just... have fun. Smile. Those days you should cherish. Because they're going to over and you'll have to be faced with the same old bad times. But then the good days come again. And it just keeps coming back and forth.

Which brings me back to insecurity, somehow. You're not used to having a day that makes you happy. You don't know how to think or what to do. You look at yourself in the mirror and the only thing that has changed is the smile on your face.

But that should be enough.

Smile and the world, even me, will smile along with you.

Keep smiling and soon you'll take control over your life.

Sometimes when you're brought down, somebody complimenting you on... anything basically, is powerful enough to make you feel at least a bit better. Which reminds me of a time a while back.

I met this guy once. He was cute... really cute, actually. I was just standing there and thinking and then he interrupts my thoughts and says this exact line, "I don't mean to like, harass you or anything but you've got really good looking lips." Not kidding! Now, that time I was feeling really insecure about my looks so I didn't even look him in the eye before that.

But honestly, he complimented my LIPS. I immediately felt... important. Special. I was with another girl. She didn't get complimented. I did. It was like he knew I felt bad about myself.

I felt more secure about my looks after he compliments my LIPS.

That proves how much words can heal as much as they can hurt.

I kindly looked at him and smiled, "thaaaaaanks.." Ha.

All it takes is for somebody to call me beautiful and I'd be fine for most of the day. That's all. Beautiful. I wanted to be called beautiful because I didn't believe I WAS beautiful. I wanted somebody to yell at me. Yell at me for not believing. Say something like,

"Chin up man! Stop sooking!! You're freaking beautiful, don't you know that!!"

I would feel better if anybody told me that. Honestly, I would.

Anyway, that's it for today. I have loved sharing my past with you guys. And present. AND FUTURE *wink wink song-writing contract wink wink*. ;)

You guys are amazing. Your comments keep me writing. Honestly, they help me TOO. They show me that I'm not writing just to help myself and let things out... I'm writing to also help YOU guys.

I love you all. YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL! And I love you from the bottom of my heart until the very top. (Nick Jonas goes somewhere in between there). Ha, don't ya feel special now? *wink wink*.

I can't stop winking. It reminds me of when I wink at my 2 year old nephew who has gorgeouuuuus Nick J curls. He tries winking back at me and ends up flinching! Cuuuuute! Lovin' him. Lovin' God. Lovin' YOU!

:) Kisses and Hugs. <3 -Hiba

Monday, August 24, 2009

is it normal?

Have you ever been in a situation where you just want to crawl under a box and get away from everything? Have you ever been in a situation where the person you love, brings you fear? Have you ever tried to sleep at night, and was amazed about how many sheep you could count up to? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and could pick out at least 10 different things you weren't happy about?

I think 1 out of 2 teenage girls have. It's normal. It's normal to think you're ugly when you're not. It's normal to find so many things wrong about yourself/your body. It's normal to think you're fat when you're not. But what's also normal is for people to tell you that you're beautiful. For people to not find anything wrong about you/your body. For people to be confused about the fact that you think you're fat... when really, you're not.

There was a time a few years ago when I couldn't wait to be in high school. Year 9. Year 9 for all of us was "cool". When you got to Year 9, you'd be classified as cool. But I didn't, to be really honest, think that anything would change except for what grade I'm in and how old I am. And probably my height. But I still thought I'd be able to still fit into those jeans. Or that shirt. Or that dress. I didn't think I'd grow out of them because I was so attached to being a kid and not taking responsibility for anything. Always relying on my parents.

When you start to grow up as a teenage girl, your body changes. I gained weight because of that reason. You can ask anybody I know and they'd tell you I don't eat a lot. I'm really fussy when it comes to food and I can't handle a lot of it. I don't eat most of the meals my mum makes. My mum even says I don't eat enough. But here I am, gaining weight and getting depressed. Over something that is normal. Not every girl goes through it, but most girls do. When you get your period, your body is getting used to a whole different system, I guess you can call it. So things will change.

But I was confused. Just like most girls, I was confused and I was lost. That's what I wrote "Will This Be All Over Soon" about. I didn't know what to do. I wanted God to send down a message. I didn't know if I should just wait or do something. I didn't know and I still don't know. I'm still waiting for a message. Of course, my mind changes every once in a while. One time, I'd actually lose weight. But the next day, I'd gain it all back.

And I didn't know why or how.

Have you ever known or heard about a teenager who has committed suicide because they didn't like their life? I'm not going to call them stupid because I've felt the same way. I haven't committed suicide, of course, or else I wouldn't even be typing this (and I would never kill myself, just to let you know. I know that God has a day planned for me where we will meet once again). But I know how it feels to wish, I guess you can put it, to die or.. just be out of this world. And run away.

But you know what keeps me strong? Me. I keep myself strong. I look at other people who've also had a bad teenage life, but as I look at them now, now that they're in their 20's; life is good for them. They took control of their life more.

That's what keeps me strong. I still believe.

As I write this, I'm wondering who is reading. A couple of people I know personally have told me they've read some of my blogs and they loved it, but who else? Is is somebody I know personally? Somebody I dislike? Somebody who hates me?

Either way, I'm still going to speak. I'm going to let things out. It's your choice whether to read my blogs or not. Of course, I'd love for you guys to have a read and comment. But I'm not exactly forcing you. It's your choice, in the end. I just needed somewhere to let things out and I've decided on a blog site. Of course... I'd love for you to comment telling me you're thoughts and if you related.

So thanks, once again. For everything. It means a lot to me. All of your comments, they mean the world to me.

And last of all... Thank you for listening to what I have to say. To what I have to share. THANK YOU so much. You have no idea how much this all means to me.

I love you beautiful people.

P.S I like how you've done your hair today. :)

(and no I'm not crazy. i'm not watching you either. but i still like the way you've done your hair today. Oh and I'm lovin' your style, guuuurl! Oh and those earrings! Amazing!)

Love you. xo -Hiba

Sunday, August 23, 2009

just smile, and i'll smile too

Nothing can explain how thankful I am to have such wonderful readers who comment. So thank you. So, so, so much.

I've decided to skip straight to a story. The past is always more interesting than the present. My life is boring right now, so I don't think you're gonna wanna know about it. Unless you won't get bored if I started with: "Today I woke up, brushed my teeth, tied up my hair. I got dressed and stayed home. Checked my email, checked my Tweets. Wrote a new blog, ate then slept." I think you'll get bored if my whole blog was based on something like that. Ha.

Okay so, let's see what I've covered already:
-My love and faith for God (check)
-Insecurity (check)
-Appreciating (check)
-My horrible birthday (check)

I think I might start something new. Tell you about a whole different side in my life. I'm kinda sick of the depressing blogs that do nothing but bring back bad memories. Of course, they do make me feel better just by letting them out. But you're probably thinking my whole life is full of sadness by now.

Writing is a big part of my life. I love to write. Especially songs. My passion for writing has been growing on me ever since I was a little girl. Even if my songs or stories wouldn't make sense, I'd still write them and be proud of myself after doing so. Things didn't start to get serious for until I think it was last year.

I found out about a music business company, Paramount, from Nashville, U.S.A. They would give you chances to send in your own songs and if they liked them, they'd add music/melody's to them and send demo's off to people that actually sing.

I thought, why not? So I sent about 10 of my songs. A month later I got a letter in the mail from Paramount. They told me: "What great lyrics you've sent us! In fact, we believe that the talent you've displayed shows outstanding hit song potential," and they awarded me with a song-writing contract. I know, AMAZING! I could barley breathe. They chose 4 of the 10 songs I sent in.

In the contract, I had to agree on being responsible for the instruments they use in my songs. Which means I had to pay for them. At first I kinda gave up, because I didn't know how or what to do. But when I told my teacher, she told me she'd be glad to help. So my school is doing a fund-raising day where most of the money would go to me. I am soo thankful that this day has come. So I'm going to appreciate it. Even when the times come where I just sit back and think, "who am I kidding? I'll never reach my dream."

Second, have you ever read DOLLY Magazine? Well, a few months back, I sent my story about how I got a song-writing contract all the way from America. They sent back saying they'd love to have me featured in their magazine. They wanted to call me first, though, for an interview. I asked my dad and he goes sure, so I sent my number and a week later they called. I felt like a celebrity for the whole interview.

"What do you write about? When did you start writing? Who's your inspiration? Do you ever have a writers block?"

They asked me questions like those. Then, they sent me a form which I had to get my daddy to sign in order for me to be in the magazine. He signed it, I sent if off, they sent another email asking for pictures.

Now I'm just waiting for the September issue to come out, because I'm most likely in it! Make sure ya'll check back on: Twitter, FFE, & THIS BLOG, so I can let you guys know when it's out.. if you wanna buy it... I mean, if ya wanna.. Ha.

It's been an amazing journey for me, and I haven't even left the country. I'm still 14, I know that I have a lot to look forward to, but I'm choosing to go after my dream from today. I don't want to finish year 12 and be one of those people who just sit back and say, "shit. What am I gonna do now?" Cause I've seen people waste their lives on nothing.

I don't want to just get married and have kids. I want to make something out of my life. Of course, I DO want to get married one day and have kids. But I don't want to rush anything.

Thanks for reading guys. I think tomorrow they'll be more "depressing" blogs. Ha. But I just thought I'd share with you guys about the happy part of my life. Unfortunately, my whole life isn't "happy".. but nobody's is.

Once again, thank YOU SO much. It means a lot to me when you read and comment on my blogs. Remember, you're beautiful. Reach out for happiness, and the happiness will come to you.

I love you all!! -Hiba

black saturday

I'd like to start off this blog by thanking each and every one of you for being such amazing supporters. There was one comment recently that just blew me away. Nothing can explain exactly how much it means to me to share my story and for others to relate to it. Not only does it prove that none of us are alone, but it also proves that I'm not just writing blogs for the sake of writing a blog.

I started this blog because I got inspired by Christa Black. I read HER blogs and they touched my heart. So I thought, why not? I could start my own blog. She gave me the confidence to share my story with you guys.

So I started a blog. I spoke about lots of things that have happened to me before. I spoke about insecurity, the one thing all girls can relate to. I am so, so grateful to be able to share my story and have other girls in the world relate. I love you guys so much, did I ever mention that? :)

As much as I'd love to keep thanking you, I must go on.

When I turned 14, on February the 7th 2009.. This day was labeled Black Saturday forever. The reason being, the Victoria bushfire had started that day and went on for weeks, killing soo many people. It was a scary time, and it was one of Australia's biggest natural disasters. But MY reason being.. this day was dull. Dark. Black.

February the 7th 2009.. I turned 14. It was my birthday. What did I do? Nothing. It was a hot, windy day and there was nothing to do. I had a mosquito bite on the right eye-lid, which made my eye look like it had been punched out. I had a cold-sore on my lip and it looked ugly. I was struggling with my weight and thought I looked like an over-sized bin. I looked like a trainwreck, and I didn't like looking like a trainwreck.. especially on my birthday. I didn't want to go out, anyway, looking like a trainwreck.

I cried. I cried, on my birthday. Which, I might add, is one the worst feeling's you can ever experience. A birthday is supposed to be filled with happiness and celebrations, presents and warm hugs. I did get presents, but I didn't feel special.

A few days ago, me and my best-friend were talking. The teacher said something about how a "dog is a man's bestfriend". And I was a bit upset that day, so I said, "a dog is a man's best-friend because that man is a dog." It was quite funny but true. It's like, the only reason that a dog is a that man's bestfriend is because that man finds himself relating to that dog.

I'm not saying all men are like this, and who am I kidding, I haven't even gone out into the real world yet. But what you experience when you're in high-school, it's something you're always going to remember. Even when you've found somebody who you will get married to one day. Even when you have children, who become teenagers, dealing with the same things you dealt with.

You'll be able to sit there and say, "I remember the first time I fell in love.." Instead of "Boys are stupid." Your kids are going to need you when they grow up. Trust me. I haven't experienced THAT one yet (hahah), but I'm not going to let my kids down. In fact, I hope this blog will still be up when I do get children, in years time. So they can read my blogs, the ones I had written when I was their age.

Once again, thank you SO much for commenting and reading. You have no clue how much this all means to me. Thank you CHRISTA BLACK for giving me the confidence to share my story. Thank you MY FFE GIRLS for being there for me always. Thank you RIMA for being such a loyal best-friend. Thank you YOU..

For being beautiful and believing it.

Because you know you ARE beautiful and you DO believe it.

But sometimes it's like.. you don't believe in what you believe. If you know what I mean. You don't believe in what you think about yourself. You look in the mirror and you compliment just one little thing, like pretty eyelashes. You smile for a second but then you just... give up. You don't believe.

But all I'm trying to tell you... is to BELIEVE. Life is FULL of rough times. But if you BELIEVE, the good times will find you, too. I love you all!

You're all beautiful. You're all stunners. You're all PERFECT. GOD knows that. GOD LOVES UGLY. He DOESN'T see the way you see. And that's what matters. Ugly isn't about the bad side. Ugly can mean beautiful.

In fact, if somebody calls you "beautifully ugly", would you be as cut as you would be if somebody just called you "ugly"? No.

Because beautiful is a strong word. It represents EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

In fact, I just looked up "beautiful" in the dictionary, and there was a lot of pages filled with pictures of YOU GUYS. YOU are yourself. YOU are beautiful. YOU are the definition OF beautiful!

Love you all! Have a great day and know that I'm thinking of you. xoxo -Hiba

Saturday, August 22, 2009

appriciate again

(I wrote this blog last night)

So right now I'm just sitting alone in my room, it's almost 2AM. My room is dark, my door is closed, I'm alone.. That's what I like. I can speak to God without being questioned or disturbed. I can think about things. This is my favorite time of each day.

I just lay alone in my bed, thinking about what happened that day. And you know what? I don't like to go to sleep without having anything to be proud of. I like to go to sleep one night, with all these successful things I've done that day. Even if it's just one small thing, like giving some change to those less fortunate. I'll still be proud of myself and I like to say goodbye to this day by thinking of the good things I've done.

A few days ago, my teacher said something about life being full of positives.

I thought of it. Okay, so that's true. But life is also full of negatives. Those negative's can turn into positive's if you just believe. Reach out for the positive, and the positive with come to you. You can't just sit back, do what you want, and STILL expect your day to be full of positives. You have to work.

And no I don't mean work as in writing in text books and doing your homework. I mean work as a human being. Without pens or books or papers. Work for yourself, for your family, your friends. For those who are less fortunate than you.

People still in school: Do you write the date of the day at the top of your page, for when you're working in a book? Or asked for the date?

Of course you have.

At least once.

My point is.. does it ever cross your mind that this date that you're writing.. it's the LAST time you will EVER write it? Like just say.. Today's date is 7/2/09. You will never write or ask for that date again. Because it's in the past. 2009 won't come back to you. You can't go back to 2009.

My second point is that that proves you have to appreciate. Appreciate living. Appreciate God for extending your life and allowing you to wake up from your sleep every day. Appreciate your teachers for taking their time to teach you things you'll need to know. Appreciate your parents for raising you up. Appreciate your friends for always being there.

Just appreciate. Because sometimes, appreciating is all you need to feel good about yourself.

If you don't appreciate other people, you won't appreciate yourself.

That's a short blog from me today. That's all I have time for, as much as I'd like to write more! Once again, thank you for reading and commenting on my blogs. It means a lot to me that I'M inspiring YOU with my personal stories. So thank YOU.

And remember (I'm going to keep reminding you), you're beautiful. Inside and out.

Which reminds ME.. Today I was looking at a banana that looked sort of rotted from the outside. I didn't want to open it and eat it, because I didn't like the look of the outside of it.

But I did. And guess what? The inside was PERFECT. This relates to everything in life. People won't look their best from the outside. But on the INSIDE, they'll BE their best.

Or it can be the other way round. Banana's can look perfect from the outside, with a perfect yellow color and a perfect body shape. But when you open it up, it might not turn out to be how you expected it to be.

So APPRECIATE. Appppppriciate! I'm giving you the advice that I had never gotten. I've given MYSELF this advice and it's helped me.

Anyway, that's all for today! Thank you for reading my blogs! Please take your time to comment, if you like. I love you all, beautiful girls.

(by the way, the banana was yum!)

<3 -Hiba


Yesterday was a weird day. Everything seemed weird. The weather was weird, I was weird, my parents were weird; life was weird.

We went out to play Baseball (my homeroom with another homeroom) outside at school. It was hot that morning. It was warm. I kept saying "It's soo hot" And I'd take off my scarf and jumper and gloves. I needed those because when you're in Melbourne, you never know when the weather might change. So, as I was saying, it was a sunny morning. It was only 2nd period that it started to get windy.

That's when we decided to go and play baseball. Just a moment later, we see these huge black clouds form above us and we're all like "look, look!" And the cold, cold, COLD wind just blew against our faces and blew the girls' skirts up (thank God I wasn't wearing a skirt that day). It was weird weather.

So we didn't even finish a game when it just did our head in. It was soo windy, and the wind was really cold, we almost froze.

Then just when we thought it wouldn't get any worse, it started to rain. We ran into a classroom and we're all like, "ahhh". Cause it was warm in the room.


And the funny part was, my friend was like, "Shitttt! That reminded me of that Twilight scene where they're playing baseball and it's all windy and thunderstormy."

Anyway, back to my story..

As I was saying, words can just get you bad. They just stab you in the heart and you feel like you can't breathe when you are breathing. It's a feeling nobody can really explain clearly.

I know I can't.

Basically, when people call you names, that is the thing you believe you are. If somebody calls you a dog, you'll see a dog in the mirror. (Happened to Christa Black, which I'm truly sorry about). If somebody calls you ugly, ugly is what you see in the mirror. Whatever you get called that hurts your feelings, that is the face looking back at you when you look in a mirror.

Ugly, fat, skinny, ugly dog, stupid blonde, bitch, slut..

Those are only some of the words that can cut people to the core. Sometimes you're called these things from people who don't like who they are. People who are insecure about themselves so they call you names to make you feel insecure and to make themselves feel better.

I'll share with you my story, which I've never shared before. I won't tell you who said this to me, but that's not what you need to know, anyway.

This person is supposed to support me and help me forget about the things that I'm finding hard. Instead, this person points out the things I'm finding hard and calls me a "fat bin."

You have noo idea how much this hurt.

Not only am I fat, but I'm a fat BIN?

To be honest, I don't think I'm fat. But I don't think I'm skinny either. I'm not even sure what I am. Where to turn. What to think. Should I stop eating? Should I exercise more? Should I even bother? Should I change my ways? Should I fight back? All these questions haunted me because nobody would answer them.

If you've ever had a rough day, you'll get through it. Trust me. And at the end of that day, you'll have something to smile about because you just fought through a day you didn't want to fight through. And that's what life is all about.

Sure, I've wished to be and look like Miley Cyrus and have her fame and all of that. When I'd have rough jobs to do or have a tough day, all that was on my mind was "I bet Miley Cyrus doesn't have to do this," or something like that.

But I've come to realize that being a famous person may be even harder than being non-famous. I mean, I can't even handle a rumor going around my friends about me.. Can you imagine what will happen if a rumor was going around the whole entire world about me? On websites? In songs? In BLOGS? I am going to appreciate that I have a private life now and I chose whether to share it or not.

That's why I appreciate what I have today. I do my best to live to the fullest.

I've always been told that I get only one shot at life. That made sense. But what do they mean by that?

Then I just thought. Late at night, I thought about that quote.

"Sure, you only get one shot at life.
But that's not the problem.
The problem is, you don't know when your
shot is going to end." -Hiba

I thought of that after a few deaths that started to occur in my life. My cousin had died from an asthma attack in his sleep, and he was only 20 years old. Nobody knew he was going to die. HE didn't know he was going die.

I've heard people complaining, let's say on YouTube, that they don't have "enough" subscribers or whatever. What is "enough" anyway? If you have only TWO subscribers that watch your videos and take time to comment, you should APPROPRIATE that fact. This sort of relates to real-life situations. If you want more friends, but you've only got one.. but that one is a GOOD friend, you should appreciate. If your mum or dad or somebody else buy you UNDERWEAR for your birthday instead of an iPod or a Laptop.. You should appreciate that they actually got you something.

Don't think of WHAT this person has GIVEN you, think of this PERSON, who was smarter than those who didn't get anything. APPRECIATE.

I love you all. Thank you for your comments. They mean a lot to me. Especially when you guys are getting inspired to write your own blogs by reading mine.

That means the world to me, to inspire somebody by just sharing my story. I've been willing to share my story for so long now, and I've finally come to my senses to do so. I shouldn't hold things back. And still today, I would never share my story with somebody face-to-face. I find it easier to write a blog about it, where anybody can just read it. Without me telling them to, or forcing them to.

You guys are amazing. I love you soo much. God loves you more than anybody in the world. Remember, beautiful girls, you're all PRETTY. Don't let people bring you down just because they feel insecure about themselves.

The only thing that can stop you from winning is to take yourself out of the game.

So don't let the fear of losing keep you from playing the game.

Don't let the fear of rejection keep you from loving.

Look up at your sky. God is smiling at you. So are the people who you have lost. So is HEAVEN. I love you guys and I'm smiling right now, just for YOU.

xxx -Hiba

Friday, August 21, 2009


I have been having a lot of weird dreams lately. Especially of one where I'd be diagnosed with diabetes. God forbid this to ever happen, but it kinda scares me. I don't want this life to be any harder than it is today. But.. if that's what God wants, then okay. I will fight through. Somebody once said to me, "You're having a hard time because God knows how strong you are. You'll pull through if you just believe you will." This quote just.. hits me every time I think of it. It's kind of giving me a reality-check, to stop whining and just appreciate what I have now.

Okay, starting with a new story now.. This time, it's all about insecurity.

Until about the age of 13, which was only a year and a half ago, I didn't know what "insecure" or "secure" even meant. I didn't think life would change. It's amazing how much a teenager can learn in a year, because I learned a lot. No, I didn't learn a lot how to solve Math problems or what a antibody is in Science.. I learned how life is. When I hit the age 13, I didn't think change would come. In fact, I had never experienced "change". Only when I would "change" my clothes or "change" my hairstyle. That's what I thought change meant. It does mean that, don't get me wrong, but that's what I thought it only meant. I didn't think life in general would change.

I loved my life back then. I had never taken anything seriously and I joked around a lot, made people laugh. I had never noticed the small things. I had never looked in the mirror and thought, "wow, my nose is getting big" or, "wow, my thighs look huggge!". I just thought... well, I didn't really think anything. Just put some lip-gloss on and went, "yep! Ready for school!". I didn't care how I looked because there was nothing to care about.

This all changed when I was in the middle of being 13. When I was younger, I couldn't wait to turn 13 because I'd be known as a "teenager" not a "kid". And that's what mattered in a 12 year old's life. "Tomorrow, I'll be 13! Tomorrow, I'll be a teenager!" That's what we all thought and told each other. And it was all bizarre at first, like one day a girl would turn 13 and we'd all cherish her for that day because she was now officially a "teenager".

This 11 year old girl was talking to me once, the day I had turned 13. She asked me, "how does it feel to be a teenager now? Do you like, wear bra's? Do you have a boyfriend? Have you kissed anybody yet?" And I just looked at this girl and blinked. What has the world been teaching their children? Oh but wait, I was like that too. I didn't have the guts to ask a "teenager" who back then would be known as, like, a "queen", if she wore bra's or if she had a boyfriend. Most of the time though, these girls would tell us. To sort of make us jealous. I didn't know she knew she was making us jealous. Now I know.

When I got my period, I was sort of excited. I could fit in now. I could go to school and tell all of the girls who had their periods that I got mine. That was known as "cool", for some reason. But then it got annoying. More and more each month. Then things started to change.

Change came to my life.

I gained weight, I was insecure about my looks, I was lazy and always grumpy. I began to get really sensitive and I took jokes seriously and got offended really easily. I don't know what made me like this.

I was confused. That's what I was. I wanted answers. I wanted God to speak to me, explaining why my life has turned out like this. When you're a teenager, you get told stuff and you just believe them. Even if you know they're not true, or even if you don't want to believe them... you do. And it gets you.

If you get called "fat" or "ugly", fat and ugly is what you see in the mirror. If you get called "fat" and have somebody say to you that "you should stop eating" (and what they mean is stop eating the bad things), you'd actually stop eating.

I was having a time where I'd go on and off. One day I'd stop eating, but then the next I'd begin to eat again. One day I'd exercise all I could until I couldn't even breathe, but the next I was on my computer all day. It was an on and off life for me and I didn't like it.

I was lost. I still am but back then I was lost more because it was all new to me. All these new things were just appearing and I had questions I wanted answers to but.. I didn't know who to talk to. I had never had a real best-friend until about year 8, which was last year. Her name is Rima. She honestly makes me feel much better when I feel down.

But unfortunately, Rima can't be with me all day, every day. Sometimes I have to deal with things myself and that just killed me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to turn, what to say. I was lost in the circle of a teenage life. It was me. It was only me, running around in circles. I'd always end up in the exact same spot and I'd end up being depressed all over again. It was only me, I was just.. stuck in the middle of a teenage world.

To make myself feel a little better, I'd write. I'd write songs about the things I was going through.

One day, somebody told me: "Being a teenager is hard. But you will get through it and if you do, it won't only give you memories to cherish forever.. but it will also make you a much stronger person than you already are." I live by that quote. Considering the fact that I've got years of teenage hood to come.

Ohhh, I can't wait!

Anyway, I'll continue my story tomorrow sometime. Again, I love you all.

You all are beautiful. We're ALL beautiful and perfect in our own ways. WORDS can't bring you down. I KNOW you're stronger than that. So chin up, girl. I love you and so does God.

-Hiba xox

QUESTIONS: (answer in your comment)
1. Have you ever experienced something that changed your life?
2. Did you ever believe change would come to your life?
3. Do you ever feel alone?

You don't have to be a member, or have an account to comment! You can comment with your name/Twitter (any URL) or just comment anonymously. Either way, I will be reading your comments! Love you all! xox

Thursday, August 20, 2009

i love God.

I like having conversations with people about God. So, this blog will be mainly about God.

I love God. That's what I have to say. He is the only one I can trust. Only one I can rely on. & I know that He will never let me down. You see, when I pray.. I don't feel as if I'm talking to myself. There's something telling me that God really is listening. He is amazing and.. whenever I feel down, I just sit all alone in a dark room (doesn't have to be dark, but I like it to be dark. Ha.) and just pray. Speak to God.

I speak to God mainly at night, when everybody is asleep and it's dark and I'm in my bed, covered with sheets and warm. I just look up, hands behind my head and just talk. Talk to God. I feel as if He really is listening to what I have to say. Someone once said to me, "If you don't know who to be or what to do, just look deep inside of your heart. God is there." And it's true. God is with you everywhere you go. He will never unlove you. You are his child. He is your father. Humans on this Earth are all apart of God's big family. We are all God's children, and we're all family.

I just wish someday the whole world will realize that and we'll just be family. Living happily, peacefully.. I'm sure you want that too. I've heard the people who begin wars say or write in text that they're "bombing for peace". That is ridiculous! Bombing for peace is like having sex for virginity. Pointless! It just doesn't make sense. Live your lives, people. Don't go around killing others just because you don't like who you are and what you have become. You can change that fact, I promise. :)

I wrote a.. sort of poem about the times where you feel as if God hates you. When things don't go your way, you're just like, "argh, God really does hate me!". Not true! God loves you!

"God loves me. God loves us all. He gives us life, He gives us joy, but the rest just comes. Do you think God just clicks a button and zaps us straight to the top of the mountain? Straight to our dreams? No. He gives us oppurnities. We, however, have to work for our dreams. Sometimes when you pray, you feel as nobody is listening. But when God blesses you, you can feel His blessings." -Hiba

EDIT: I also wrote a song once. It was a time where I was just completely confused and wanted answers. It's called "Will This Be All Over Soon". Tell me what you think please?

I just don't know what to do anymore.
Everywhere I go, I'm so alone.
Even if I've got company,
I don't feel like having people around.

God, please, send down a message.
Will this be all over soon?
Should I just wait, or should I do something?
I just don't know what to do.
God, please, let me know when.
I could get up and be myself.
Should I believe, should I even smile?
Why am I always under a grey cloud..

I just don't know what to do anymore.
Outside it's sunny, but inside it's cold.
I can't bare to look at myself in the mirror.
I'm just not what I used to be.


Should I wait? Should I do something?
Will you send me, will you send me a message.
I believe in you, I believe you can make me smile.
And until, we meet again, up in Heaven.
Will you please help me, deal with this life?
Cause I can't even think, without thinking of you.
And if you're looking down at me,
Will this all over soon? Will this be all over soon?


Anyway.. Back to my story...

This girl ended up realizing how much what she had said had hurt me. Everybody was giving me amazing support and I'm thankful for that, but I still didn't feel 100% better. She apologized. She let things out. She explained why she aimed at me. I forgave her, but until this day I'm still a little upset of how a place where all JoBro fans should be family.. we end up fighting. But I will never admit that I'm trying to "break us up" or "fight", because it simply isn't true. All I did was BELIEVE. Have FAITH. Because of this, I "annoyed" somebody and got bitched about in front of the whole world.. Literally. (Because anybody can join that group and see the posts, doesn't matter if you're from China or the U.S, you can join.) It hurt me so bad. Sure, I have forgiven this person. But I will never forget this day, as much as I try to.

That's it for the day. If you're reading my blogs, thank you so much. It means a lot to me that people are interested in my life. And remember, no matter how alone you feel... you've always got God there. He is here with you. You also have YOURSELF. Your faith. If you think you've lost your faith from a long time ago.. You're wrong. Your faith has and always will be with you. In your heart. I love you all!

Please leave me a comment. :) -Hiba

it cut right through me

Hi. I am Hiba. If you wanna know me in just a few short sentences, look at the bar to your right. That is basically who I am. I started this blog because Christa Black inspired me to. She actually gave me confidence. To just.. let things out. So I am going to let things out, no matter how hard it may be or easy or whatever.

Let's start by saying I can't write too much considering the fact that I'm going to school soon. It's raining outside and it is freezing. I can't wait until Winter's over. I just can't wait until Summer! :) Melbourne wheather is... weird. If you live in Melbourne, you'd know what I'm on about. I mean, literally, there's like 4 seasons in just a few days. Yesterday was sunny and warm. Today's rainy and windy and COLD. It's annoying, especially when you buy something just for warm days and it ends up being warm just for one day.

Anyway, I'm going to start my story. I know.. that I'm just a teenager, but I do have a lot to tell. A lot to let out. So I'm just gonna go for it, hoping things will just be better by the time I finish...

Have you ever had a day where you just know that things can't go wrong? Things are going great, wonderful, and you're actually smiling? Of course you have. It truly is a moment to cherish because.. well, anything can happen. And I've learned that. Something that is just so small can crush down that wall you were building, in order to keep all the sadness and the negativeness and just everything. This has happened to me a lot of times and each time, I fall harder than I ever have. I'll start from one situation, which I don't really want to bring up again, but I kinda have to. It was a day where I was happy, sad, happy then sad. Happy then wayyy sad.

I logged onto a website which was about fans of the JoBros' would unite and just talk. I always get onto this website to get away from everything and be with my online friends. This time, however, things didn't go the way I had planned. Instead of feeling better, I felt worse. Just to let you know, I am one of the people who try finding other peoples faith. I tried doing that when some of them starting to doubt that JoBro's would actually come to Australia. I thought I was happy, and I was. But when I logged on and clicked on a topic a girl had made.. I read what she had to say. Guess who it was about? Me. That's right, me. She said all these things, using my name, that just cut me right through just like a knife would. Of course, she has freedom of speech and is entiltled to her own opinion. But this wasn't right. I was sure it wasn't right. I never did anything bad to her, or to anybody else. But here she is, writing about me using my name. It's much different when you get spoken about, directed to you, using your actual name than to just read and relate.

These words had cut me to the core. This person just proved me how much words can hurt. How much words that you read can hurt. I didn't know what to do. My heart was aching and.. so I just started to cry. I'm emotional and sentive. I take jokes seriously that aren't meant to be taken seriously. I get offended by things that aren't meant to offend you. Can you imagine how I felt when this was actually known to offend me? This person wrote that she knew it might offend me. And it did. I cried all night, didn't go online for what felt like ages. I just needed to.. have a break. This person also said this line which hurt more than anything in the world: "You're living in some fantasy with a guy you'll never meet and who's in love with someone else anyway." She was talking about Nick Jonas, who I have to include, is my inspiration.

Sometimes.. Fantasy is better than reality. When I have a bad day, I fantasize and I kinda feel better. It just makes me happy. Of course, I must get back to reality but as long as I was smiling for even if it was 2 seconds, I'm okay.

Anyway, I will continue the story tomorrow. I have to get to school or I'll be late. Thank you for reading.