Sunday, August 23, 2009

black saturday

I'd like to start off this blog by thanking each and every one of you for being such amazing supporters. There was one comment recently that just blew me away. Nothing can explain exactly how much it means to me to share my story and for others to relate to it. Not only does it prove that none of us are alone, but it also proves that I'm not just writing blogs for the sake of writing a blog.

I started this blog because I got inspired by Christa Black. I read HER blogs and they touched my heart. So I thought, why not? I could start my own blog. She gave me the confidence to share my story with you guys.

So I started a blog. I spoke about lots of things that have happened to me before. I spoke about insecurity, the one thing all girls can relate to. I am so, so grateful to be able to share my story and have other girls in the world relate. I love you guys so much, did I ever mention that? :)

As much as I'd love to keep thanking you, I must go on.

When I turned 14, on February the 7th 2009.. This day was labeled Black Saturday forever. The reason being, the Victoria bushfire had started that day and went on for weeks, killing soo many people. It was a scary time, and it was one of Australia's biggest natural disasters. But MY reason being.. this day was dull. Dark. Black.

February the 7th 2009.. I turned 14. It was my birthday. What did I do? Nothing. It was a hot, windy day and there was nothing to do. I had a mosquito bite on the right eye-lid, which made my eye look like it had been punched out. I had a cold-sore on my lip and it looked ugly. I was struggling with my weight and thought I looked like an over-sized bin. I looked like a trainwreck, and I didn't like looking like a trainwreck.. especially on my birthday. I didn't want to go out, anyway, looking like a trainwreck.

I cried. I cried, on my birthday. Which, I might add, is one the worst feeling's you can ever experience. A birthday is supposed to be filled with happiness and celebrations, presents and warm hugs. I did get presents, but I didn't feel special.

A few days ago, me and my best-friend were talking. The teacher said something about how a "dog is a man's bestfriend". And I was a bit upset that day, so I said, "a dog is a man's best-friend because that man is a dog." It was quite funny but true. It's like, the only reason that a dog is a that man's bestfriend is because that man finds himself relating to that dog.

I'm not saying all men are like this, and who am I kidding, I haven't even gone out into the real world yet. But what you experience when you're in high-school, it's something you're always going to remember. Even when you've found somebody who you will get married to one day. Even when you have children, who become teenagers, dealing with the same things you dealt with.

You'll be able to sit there and say, "I remember the first time I fell in love.." Instead of "Boys are stupid." Your kids are going to need you when they grow up. Trust me. I haven't experienced THAT one yet (hahah), but I'm not going to let my kids down. In fact, I hope this blog will still be up when I do get children, in years time. So they can read my blogs, the ones I had written when I was their age.

Once again, thank you SO much for commenting and reading. You have no clue how much this all means to me. Thank you CHRISTA BLACK for giving me the confidence to share my story. Thank you MY FFE GIRLS for being there for me always. Thank you RIMA for being such a loyal best-friend. Thank you YOU..

For being beautiful and believing it.

Because you know you ARE beautiful and you DO believe it.

But sometimes it's like.. you don't believe in what you believe. If you know what I mean. You don't believe in what you think about yourself. You look in the mirror and you compliment just one little thing, like pretty eyelashes. You smile for a second but then you just... give up. You don't believe.

But all I'm trying to tell you... is to BELIEVE. Life is FULL of rough times. But if you BELIEVE, the good times will find you, too. I love you all!

You're all beautiful. You're all stunners. You're all PERFECT. GOD knows that. GOD LOVES UGLY. He DOESN'T see the way you see. And that's what matters. Ugly isn't about the bad side. Ugly can mean beautiful.

In fact, if somebody calls you "beautifully ugly", would you be as cut as you would be if somebody just called you "ugly"? No.

Because beautiful is a strong word. It represents EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

In fact, I just looked up "beautiful" in the dictionary, and there was a lot of pages filled with pictures of YOU GUYS. YOU are yourself. YOU are beautiful. YOU are the definition OF beautiful!

Love you all! Have a great day and know that I'm thinking of you. xoxo -Hiba


  1. Wow. Hiba, that blog is simply AMAZING.
    Seriously, it like, spoke to me.
    I have felt heaps low at some point in my life, and I had no one to talk to. No one to be there to understand.
    I have often related to MANY Demi& Taylor etc. songs. It feels as if they were written for me, or I could have written them myself.
    I know EXACTLY how horrible it is to cry on your birthday.
    This year, my 15th birthday ended with me crying my eyes out at 11.30pm. All over two b-words. To make matters worse, mum walked into the study and found me crying. This resulted in me hyperventilating as I tried to tell her what was wrong.
    I felt absolutely pathetic. I felt worthless. I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and it was only my mother. NO ONE should cry on their birthday. It simply isn't fair.

    Finally, I would like to thank you Hiba, for this blog. It has, I guess you could say, helped me. It has helped me believe that I'm not completely alone in this giant world, and that I can open abit more about my problems. I may even begin to blog my problems. I thought about it and was abit hesitant, but that is no more :)
    Mind you, I've never said this to anyone I actually know in person..
    Sorry that this is a logn comment. I just needed to say all of this, and much more. But words just can't begin to describe some feelings [:

    Love Emma.
    PS. This is Emma-Kate from FFE & ohdangitsemma from Twitter.
    PPS. My younger brother has the same birthday as you, haha.

  2. Hey Hiba, just need to tell you thank you, your demi taylor relations are exactly like me. Thanks for letting me know i'm not alone
    also i was having a really really horrible day today and felt really alone, you told me i was beautiful, that i was loved and that it would be ok. THANK YOU SO MUCH! you let me forget about the shit in my life and reminded me about the good.
    thanks again.

  3. i love your blog hiba, its... powerful.

  4. Wow. Hiba that was amazing! And I wanted to say this year, I also cried on my birthday, but not for the same reason as you. It was my last day of camp and I loved all the people there. At this camp, it was a leadership one, a student council one. And at the beginning of things, I always pick people who I'd think would be my best friend at that place. They are always pretty, like all my friends. But then, they usually dont become my closest friend there. At the end of camp, the people I didn't think I was going to be close to, I was best friends with them. I remeber the first day, I saw a girl in my group and I thought she was weird. Not by the way she looked but by how she acted. On one day. Later in the week, I got to know her and love her. I spent most of my last rec time with her and we have all these inside jokes because of one junior councelor. He was working the snack place and he was the funniest person at that camp. So we were just standing there, talking to him and the other JC's who were there. Now we have all these inside jokes and talk all the time.

    So Hiba, thank you for writing these blogs!


Ignore the text below. I've turned the Anonymous option back on. I'll probably turn it back off soon because I really have no time for your pathetic comments, but you know what, go ahead. If you want to hide behind an anonymous picture and name, go for it. It doesn't make you much a bigger person, anyway. :)
------***From past experiences, you will no longer be allowed to post comments if you do not have a Google Account. I'm sorry to those of you doing the right thing, but I do not want Anonymous users commenting and this is the only way I can make that happen. I can not stop other people being ignorant however I can stop them from reaching me. If you're reading but you can not comment, I'd still like to thank you. Stay beautiful.