Tuesday, June 14, 2011

life must go on

Haters come and haters go. You get rid of one hater, there will always be another one just waiting to tear you down. That is what's too difficult to accept in our society... Reality. Because I've realized that reality is full of hate, full of ignorance, full of selfishness, discrimination and racism. You shouldn't let other people's insecurities and ignorance affect you. Be who you are... Don't change just to satisfy someones needs. I find that if you do that, they're happy, right? But you're not. Ignorance is something some have more than others and it is so difficult to ignore that ignorance... However it is possible. Take this advice: If you ignore it, it will escape your mind soon and it won't bother you anymore. Whereas, if you retaliate - it will offend you because they will reply back. So it's really up to you whether you let other peoples ignorance get in your way.

If people say mean things about you... If they label you... Those words do not define who you are. They are defining themselves. As long as YOU know the truth then their opinions do not matter at all.

A lot has happened lately... I'm going through a tough stage: wondering where I'll end up, wondering where my life is going, stressing over exams. I cry almost every night because I'm confused and... jealous.

I'm jealous of the people getting what I want. I don't want to be "perfect" because that's impossible... I just want a better life. And yes, that's selfish because I do have a better life when you compare me to African children. However, that is one of my flaws: I'm selfish. I know that I am, I won't deny it. Because either way it still doesn't stop me from wishing for something more.

I wish I still had that innocence... That innocence where I didn't think about what life would be like when I'm older. That time I took things for granted, totally unaware that they would be gone in a few years.

Now I'm just sitting in my room every night, shedding tears, wondering where I will end up in my life and if I will end up happy. If I will die happy. Or when I will die. I've been so insecure lately... about everything. About my weight, about my height, about my body, about my face, my hair, my legs. Sometimes I just stare at myself in the mirror and point out my flaws, just to punish myself. Punish myself for being so imperfect. For feeling so imperfect.

I have new smiles to wear everyday. Smiles to cover up my insecurities and my doubts and my fears. But it's sad that "I'm fine" has turned into just another way of saying "I cry myself to sleep". It's sad that I feel like I need to hide who I am in fear of not being accepted.

One thing I understand though: Life goes on. Whether you're happy or sad or depressed or lonely... Life must go on. You can not pause time and you can not stop it. Things must go on, the clock will continue to tick and you will face whatever the mystery of tomorrow brings.

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Ignore the text below. I've turned the Anonymous option back on. I'll probably turn it back off soon because I really have no time for your pathetic comments, but you know what, go ahead. If you want to hide behind an anonymous picture and name, go for it. It doesn't make you much a bigger person, anyway. :)
------***From past experiences, you will no longer be allowed to post comments if you do not have a Google Account. I'm sorry to those of you doing the right thing, but I do not want Anonymous users commenting and this is the only way I can make that happen. I can not stop other people being ignorant however I can stop them from reaching me. If you're reading but you can not comment, I'd still like to thank you. Stay beautiful.