Beastly

Can you believe it? 2011 is almost over. Time is flying by way too fast... This time last year I was in Lebanon. It feels like yesterday. Next year is my last year of High School. And that's where I stop because I have no idea where I'm heading. Not even a little hint. I'm still lost and confused as I've ever been... But I guess I'm looking forward to 2012.

It's Summer. I'm happy about this. Extremely happy. Besides needing a tan desperately, I just love the feeling of Summer and Summer nights. I love spending full days at the beach and just having a good time, not a worry in the world. I've miss that feeling... so I'm praying that this Summer is a good one.

Anyway, so yesterday I watched Beastly. I must admit, it was better than I had expected. It carries such a powerful message which I'm sure most of you have heard before: Don't judge a book by its cover. A good looking teen who's the popular guy in school and also happens to be the mean bully as well, who believes that "good looking people are better" is turned into a hideous, "ugly", scar-filled teenager instead. The spell that was cast on him was that he was to "be as hideous outside as he was inside" and find someone who loves him for him before the year ended or else he'd stay like that forever. I love the author of this story.

It teaches us that looks aren't as important as the media portrays it to be. Well, it's not. The most beautiful person you've ever seen may be the opposite inside. Good looks don't define people and suddenly make them better than everyone else. In fact, personally I think that if I knew how selfish or cruel a really really good looking person was, I'd find them not as attractive anymore, because I know that they're not as nice as they look.

Good looks will fade eventually. Everyone gets wrinkles and blah blah as they get older, so why love someone based purely on their looks and nothing else? Their looks will change, for whatever reason. So that's why I say, don't love someone because they're beautiful. Get to know them. Their personality will shine right through their appearance, and you can then decide if they're as pretty inside as they are outside.

time runs out

You know when you're sitting an exam, and you have a set time to complete it? Or you know when you're sitting outside during school time during lunch, and that bell rings? Or the last period of the school day and that last bell finally rings? When you have an assignment due in soon, with no possible extensions to be given out?

That is life. Life is precious. Time is precious. Time is what all of us need.

Whether it's to say goodbye, to finish off homework, to spend with someone special or to finish an exam -- time is what we need. Time is valuable. Yes, we all have time, and we all know that one day, our time will run out. But the thing that's so overwhelming? We don't know when the time will run out. When you're finishing off an assignment because you have no more time to hand it in or when you're sitting in class, waiting for the bell to ring... That time is almost guaranteed.

You know when the exam time will end. You know when lunchtime ends. You know when school ends, when your laptop battery ends, when your time to hand in your assignment ends. But you don't know when life ends.

When time, time ends.

Every day, as humans, we face fears. The number one fear... is time. Loss of time. Shortened time. Time that's not enough. As humans, all we want is time. Time to reach our dreams, time to figure out who we are, time to stay young, to embrace our happiness. We just want time.

But we must face our fears as well as reality. In reality, nobody really knows exactly when their time will end. We don't know when our chance at life will end, and why, even. Nobody knows, in fact. That's what's so frightening. Especially as a young person who doesn't know who they are, or what to do when they're older.

I'm left with feeling afraid. I'm left with the 'what if's' and the 'when's'. What if I don't get to be who I want to be, what if I die early, what if something terrible happens that stops me from something. When will this happen, when will that happen, will this and that happen?

I am just a 16 year old girl. A 16 year old girl who is confused, and almost lost in the middle of this world that I feel so bad for. A million what if questions sprawl across my mind every single day.

I know it's no good to think like this. I know I shouldn't be so negative.

But I can't help it. I can't help but feel this way.

No matter where you are in the world... how old you are... how young you are... how healthy or weak you are... Time runs out.

Use time wisely. It's like an hourglass. Sort of. Well, it's like an hourglass stuck to a table, where you can't turn it over--meaning you can't rewind time. But then again... An hourglass shows you how long you have left until the time does run out.

Unfortunately, that's not realistic. I guess because I've been told for so many years to forget about my fantasies -- some people used to get angry with me because I was so caught up in this fantasy world, where I was actually happy -- and I guess that's the reason why I'm so negative today. Reality isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I've learned that. I'm no longer as naive as I used to be. I no longer see the innocence in the world that I used to see. I'm no longer caught up in a dream. I don't get at least the slightest bit of happiness from dreams anymore.

I'm not caught up anymore.

Are you happy now?

AMAZING NEWS!!!!

Remember my song-writing contract that I received from America? Yes, it's been 2 years, but.... well a few days ago, I received my DEMO'S! One of them was the personal God one called "Will This All Be Over Soon"; I posted the lyrics to that one here 2 years ago. Wow. Thanks so much for your support.

If you would like to listen to the demo, click here. :) YAY!

the beauty of the moon

We're all lost people... if you think about it. We're all lost souls, living today in fear of the mystery of tomorrow. We all have our own stories, our own secrets, our own insecurities and problems and troubles.

True, right? I don't know why I decided to write that but right now I'm just writing whatever comes to my mind. We're already past half way through the year... Can you believe it? I've been through so much throughout the years... it's so incredible how fast time is going. I almost want it to slow down....

I find myself whenever I look at the moon, it just inspires me. It's hard to believe how far away it is... and even after knowing that, it still inspires me. It kind of makes me feel closer to everybody else out there in the world. No matter where you are... where you go... whether it's China or Canada or Australia or even Antarctica... when you look up at the sky, you'll see the same moon you see when you were somewhere else. It makes me feel... I don't know... small.

When I look at the moon, I feel as if I'm not alone. Like it's always there for me, no matter where I go. That's a bit cheesy.... but hey right now I feel like writing about the moon. In fact, I'm sitting next to my older sister who's asking me what I'm writing to which I replied: "I'm writing about the moon". And she laughed.

Haha. I'm inspired right now, I guess and right now I feel like writing about the moon. And if you feel alone.... I think you should look up at the moon and smile, for the moon will smile back.

HAHA THAT IS TOO CHEESY. But you know what... it's true. The moon won't smile back itself, but millions of others in the world are most likely looking at the moon, too. Doesn't that make you feel... not alone?

Okay, okay I'll shut up. I guess I'm just trying to distract myself from my homework so here I am, talking about the moon.

OH There's a Bruno Mars song "Talking To The Moon", listen to it. It's great.

nobody understands

You don't understand that the only reason I don't want to go anywhere might be because I'm insecure. Maybe it's because I feel fat, I feel ugly, and don't want to be seen in public. You never understand that nor do you want to understand it. I wish you could be someone who sits there and talks to me about my insecurities... So I can just cry on your shoulder and you can tell me everything will be okay.

I guess that's too much to ask for, right? I'm a teenage girl. I get insecure. I get stressed. I'm confused. I'm lost. I don't know where to go. I get lazy. I want to change my looks so I can be happy with myself.

I wish you could understand that.

Here's a song that perfectly describes me so I don't have to sit here rambling on like I usually do.

~~~~~~

Look at me, you may think you see
Who I really am but you'll never know me.
Every day it's as if I play a part
Now I see if I wear a mask
I can fool the world but I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

I am now in a world where I
Have to hide my heart and what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart and be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why

Why must we all conceal what we think and how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

~~~~~~

Goodnight beautiful people.

you'll be okay

Things get tough... not everything will go your way. That's reality. Yeah, sometimes it's good to fantasize about what you wish you had. For instance, dreaming. It makes you happy, doesn't it? That's what matters. But then you have to come back to reality and realize that this is what you're stuck with and therefore meaning you have to either work your way around it or cry about it.

Either way, this is reality.

Things don't always go your way and sometimes you'll get hurt. Your heart will break, your insecurity will kick in, your self-esteem isn't so high, your confidence is low. Sometimes it seems like so many things are going wrong.

But... well life goes on. Whether you're happy or sad, time doesn't stop. The clock keeps ticking and time keeps passing. It's now your choice whether to choose to push past the agony or cry about something you can no longer change.

I guess I'm ranting a lot because I don't know where I'm going with this particular post but it's pretty late and I'm tired but this is the hour where I think about a lot of things. My point is, you'll be okay. Hold on.

everybody is broken

I was walking home today and for some reason, I became very open-minded as I looked at people in general walking home or picking up their kids etc. I realized that everybody we see, every individual has their own stories, experiences, fears and scars. We're all broken. Or we've all been broken. It's something interesting because it shows that nobody is perfect, no matter how old they are or what they've been through, popular or not, model or regular girl - nobody is perfect and we all have our own problems. We're all fragile humans trying to find happiness - well most of us are. That's a fact.

That's why I plaster a smile on my face before going somewhere, like school or to some family party. I do it for the people around me. I don't do it just to avoid the "what's wrong"'s, I do it so I don't affect those around me.

I'm not perfect meaning sometimes, yes, I get upset and it's hard to hide. And that usually leads to problems with my friends, and they all start to wonder why I've been acting distant or sort of like a bitch. Nobody really knows why, except for me. And that proves to me that by showing your true emotions when you're hurt or upset, you don't only affect yourself... you affect those around you.

In life you've gotta try to act as selfless as you can, and no, not everything will go your way and sometimes you'll be very upset... sometimes it will be too hard to fake a smile so you just want to be alone. That's okay, too. A simple "I want to be alone" should do the explaining and anybody who is considerate will understand that you want to be alone. I've learned a lot and as I grow older, I'm still learning. As are you.

I may say things without intention or I may get upset or over dramatic sometimes over little things... but don't judge me. Don't get mad at me for making some mistakes when you don't even see yourself making the same ones. I can be a hypocrite... but so can you. We all are. I say things at the end of the day, not only for others but also for me. I give advice, I tell people to be happy, and all the while I'm also talking to myself - if that makes sense.

But you know what I mean.

So, I understand that you may not like me sometimes, that's good, because I sometimes feel the same way about you. But I also respect that you have your problems and I have mine. You have your insecurities, scars, bruises, problems, family issues... But remember, that I also have mine.

You're not alone and that's exactly why you shouldn't get so upset at others for just say, ignoring you or not "being themselves" - because then again, you're judging them from what you see. You don't know anything. What if this person got abused? What if this person cuts themselves? What if they go through more than you'll ever know? That's exactly the reason why it is not okay to judge. I understand that it's annoying when people suddenly "change" or "ignore" you. But then again, you don't know what's making them act this way, therefore giving you no right to judge.

The moral of this blog post? Be considerate. When you walk past someone, don't put them down. Don't make fun of their messy bed hair. Don't laugh at their clothes. Don't make fun of them because the truth is, you have no idea what this person has to go through every day or has been through. You laugh because she's fat, while she's starving herself to lose weight. You laugh at the amount of make-up she has on, while she cries because without it she doesn't feel beautiful.

Be considerate. At the end of the day, we all have our insecurities and experiences. Including you, and me, and that's exactly the reason why it is not okay to judge.