Tuesday, August 16, 2011

time runs out

You know when you're sitting an exam, and you have a set time to complete it? Or you know when you're sitting outside during school time during lunch, and that bell rings? Or the last period of the school day and that last bell finally rings? When you have an assignment due in soon, with no possible extensions to be given out?

That is life. Life is precious. Time is precious. Time is what all of us need.

Whether it's to say goodbye, to finish off homework, to spend with someone special or to finish an exam -- time is what we need. Time is valuable. Yes, we all have time, and we all know that one day, our time will run out. But the thing that's so overwhelming? We don't know when the time will run out. When you're finishing off an assignment because you have no more time to hand it in or when you're sitting in class, waiting for the bell to ring... That time is almost guaranteed.

You know when the exam time will end. You know when lunchtime ends. You know when school ends, when your laptop battery ends, when your time to hand in your assignment ends. But you don't know when life ends.

When time, time ends.

Every day, as humans, we face fears. The number one fear... is time. Loss of time. Shortened time. Time that's not enough. As humans, all we want is time. Time to reach our dreams, time to figure out who we are, time to stay young, to embrace our happiness. We just want time.

But we must face our fears as well as reality. In reality, nobody really knows exactly when their time will end. We don't know when our chance at life will end, and why, even. Nobody knows, in fact. That's what's so frightening. Especially as a young person who doesn't know who they are, or what to do when they're older.

I'm left with feeling afraid. I'm left with the 'what if's' and the 'when's'. What if I don't get to be who I want to be, what if I die early, what if something terrible happens that stops me from something. When will this happen, when will that happen, will this and that happen?

I am just a 16 year old girl. A 16 year old girl who is confused, and almost lost in the middle of this world that I feel so bad for. A million what if questions sprawl across my mind every single day.

I know it's no good to think like this. I know I shouldn't be so negative.

But I can't help it. I can't help but feel this way.

No matter where you are in the world... how old you are... how young you are... how healthy or weak you are... Time runs out.

Use time wisely. It's like an hourglass. Sort of. Well, it's like an hourglass stuck to a table, where you can't turn it over--meaning you can't rewind time. But then again... An hourglass shows you how long you have left until the time does run out.

Unfortunately, that's not realistic. I guess because I've been told for so many years to forget about my fantasies -- some people used to get angry with me because I was so caught up in this fantasy world, where I was actually happy -- and I guess that's the reason why I'm so negative today. Reality isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I've learned that. I'm no longer as naive as I used to be. I no longer see the innocence in the world that I used to see. I'm no longer caught up in a dream. I don't get at least the slightest bit of happiness from dreams anymore.

I'm not caught up anymore.

Are you happy now?

1 comment:

  1. Hey

    I don't know if you remember Fan Family Experience (long time ago, I know) but I used to always check your blog after you had posted a link on there once.

    I guess I kind of forgot about it after you stopped blogging for a while. But for some strange reason, I thought of it today and for the life of me, I couldn't remember your URL! It was driving me nuts, but I eventually remembered it :)

    I don't know if you still go on here, but I hope you do.
    Anyways, glad to see you finally got that demo for your song, congratulations!



Ignore the text below. I've turned the Anonymous option back on. I'll probably turn it back off soon because I really have no time for your pathetic comments, but you know what, go ahead. If you want to hide behind an anonymous picture and name, go for it. It doesn't make you much a bigger person, anyway. :)
------***From past experiences, you will no longer be allowed to post comments if you do not have a Google Account. I'm sorry to those of you doing the right thing, but I do not want Anonymous users commenting and this is the only way I can make that happen. I can not stop other people being ignorant however I can stop them from reaching me. If you're reading but you can not comment, I'd still like to thank you. Stay beautiful.