internet death

yes, yes, i know that i havent been on for so so so long. my apologies. a lot has happened, actually, a lot of unexpected things that have finally proved to me that life does not always go my way. which is a bummer i guess.

i have to learn how to juggle. i have no more facebook now because my grades have dropped, and i believe that facebook is a big distraction. i feel so overwhelmed now because if i don't improve, im stopping myself and my family from going overseas at the end of the year, because i have to improve in order to go, otherwise i'd fail. and next year, i'm in year 11. a senior. big step.

ive been praying that i do improve. i just don't know what happened last semester. it's like ive changed but i never realized until someone told me. i feel so lost all of the time, like im desperete to find out my future, to know what im going to end up doing, marrying.. where i end up in the end. i just want to know. i need a sign, a message from God. i need somebody to tell me it's going to be alright in the end.

for every bit of moment in my life, i have a song to go along with it. this time, it was "the voice within" by christina aguilera.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeaC8Iy_Nf0

Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems No one ever wants or bothers to explain Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

the line out of this song that stands out the most for me, is probably "No one ever wants or bothers to explain Of the heartache life can bring and what it means" so true. i mean, i guess theres nobody really to blame, because everybody has their own stories, their own struggles. im just using this as something thats taught me something. when i have a daughter of my own, i'll be sure to be there for her, to warn her that life might get rough at times, i'll be sure to comfort her, not make things worse, because i know how that feels and i dont want anybody feeling the way ive felt for the past 2 years.

if you're struggling through a time in your life right now.. just remember that im here. remember that theres always somebody who has got it worse than you've got it. no matter how hard that may seem to believe, it's true.

just be grateful that...

that you're alive.

if that's not something to smile about, then what is?

appreciate that you've got a bed to sleep in, food to keep your stomach full, water to drink, and a roof over your head. clothes to wear. a COMPUTER to read blogs from.

there's one more thing you should remember...

life doesn't get easier.

you just get stronger.