Sunday, December 20, 2009

are you really in love?

Earlier today, I was just thinking about this. I had the conversation with a few on Facebook and Twitter - and I thought it's blog-worthy.

Whenever somebody breaks up with a guy who they've been going out with for like a month, and they cry like they were married; I wanna tell them to shut up. Honestly. I've learned by now that you can't just find the one at this age, because you're still figuring out the person you are. Of course, there's going to be misunderstandings and arguments. That's normal. But if you can't hold on any longer, just let go. There will be other guys. We're still young, we're still exploring new stuff. So, whenever you're with a guy, please don't set your hopes too high. If you do, and things go wrong, you'll be even more heartbroken and that's tough.

Nowadays, teenagers just date for fun. Sometimes the word "Love" doesn't even mean a thing. And that's the problem. I know guys who only date girls because they "want" something. I know girls who date guys for the sake of having a boyfriend and that's my point. It's all fate. You can find "the one" at this age, but you never know if there was "another one".

"Omg, he's the one for me!!!": Thoughts like that are the things that break our hearts even more when you break up with a boy. I've learned from seeings others make that mistake that setting your hopes too high in a boy, especially as a teenager, can end really defectively.

I mean, I totally understand that things change when you're with someone, and things change again if they leave. I understand that you're with a guy, and when he leaves you miss him terribly. You want him back.

But if you think about it... Is it really about him, after all? Or is it about having somebody there for YOU? To make you feel special, to be there with a shoulder to lean on. Love is much more than that. Some teenagers are too naive to even take that in and believe it.

When you're with a boy... You don't come back the next day and make yourself believe he's the one. No, that can break your heart more than anything in the world. Wanna know why? Simple... What if he's NOT "the one"?

Has anybody ever wondered about their "the one", anyway? Other than who they are, of course. But nobody has ever figured out that there may be more than just one "the one's?" Or nobody has ever figured out that maybe you will take a wrong turn in life, turning you away from "the one"? It's never like that, no. Everybody is just too focused on finding a happily ever after to even appreciate what they have in front of them.

Sometimes you take one little step that you weren't supposed to in life, and everything becomes erroneous. Your "happily ever after" isn't so happy anymore.

Just... Take my advice. Please. Don't set your hopes too much for any boy. Don't change for any boy. Don't let any boy or for that matter anyBODY define your happiness! Or define the person that you are!

Remember, you can't love anybody else until you love yourself. And that goes for everything. You can't do something before you figure out the person you are. You can't follow a dream that's not yours.

I'll talk to you all very soon! I love you all!!

EDIT1: I know I sound so mature for a fifteen year old, but I like to think of solutions for problems that most teenagers don't look upon. I like to use big words. I love to express my thoughts and opinions into a piece of writing. I am so thankful every single day that God gave me a very special gift. A gift that can change the world, that can inspire. And I believe in myself. I believe that one day, I can change the world with my words.

That is something I wish to pursue one day. So thank you for supporting me and being there. <3

EDIT2: While I love for you to keep this advice for your future, I also advise you not to guarantee that this whole blog is the truth based on your life. Because everybody is different, everybody has their time. Time of birth, time of death, time of marriage, time of... So on. This blog was directed to a few people that I know of that set their hopes too high when they get a boyfriend. I never said you can't find love at this age, but if you're too focused on finding "the one", it makes it harder for you to deal with heartbreaks.

18 comments:

  1. Amazing and so true.
    I find it stupid that people think that they're "in love" after two days. There's a lot of teenagers that think they know what love is, but in reality they don't have a clue.
    Totally agree with you.
    And i said id be the first to comment so here it is.
    Love you xx maz

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  2. Just wondering... how many relationships have you been in? Its just weird someone your age having that much knowledge.

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  3. REPLYING TO:
    Just wondering... how many relationships have you been in? Its just weird someone your age having that much knowledge.

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    I know, I sound so mature for my age on this kind of stuff. I like it when people tell me that - that way I'm more confident to express my opinions. And to answer your question, not many at all. But I have learned from the people around me. My friends, my cousins, even the relationships between fictional characters in movies and books.

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  4. Hibz, so true.
    You're quite mature and have such a vast knowledge.
    Great job on this blog (y)

    - N.

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  5. REPLYING TO:
    Hibz, so true.
    You're quite mature and have such a vast knowledge.
    Great job on this blog (y)

    - N.

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    Thanks so much hun. It means a lot, those compliments. Thank you. <3

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  6. Hey Hiba,
    This was really good to read after a few things happening to my friends of the past year. Two of them have got engaged, and while I am happy for them, it is hard to truly understand how they can possibly know that their fiance's are in fact 'the one' for them. Both are having long engagements of at least two years, which makes me question the logic of getting engaged in the first place. I guess having never been in love, I really can't judge too much, but it is sometimes difficult to wrap your head around your friends being engaged at 20. Anyways, enough of my ramblings, great work on this, it's really well done.
    Keep true to yourself always,
    Gem

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  7. This is amazing, Hiba you have an amazing talent. You don't understand how much i enjoy reading your blogs.

    They inspire me and give me this new deeper understanding of life. You take those things that we know are there in our lives yet we want to believe they are and you explain in such a meaningful and beautiful way that it opens our eyes to the world and it means sooo much to me and everyone who has the chance to read your blogs or listen to your lyrics or even just being able to read your tweets or read your messages on FFE.

    Thank you Hiba, you are such a beautiful person.

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  8. This is amazing, Hiba you have an amazing talent. You don't understand how much i enjoy reading your blogs.

    They inspire me and give me this new deeper understanding of life. You take those things that we know are there in our lives yet we want to believe they are and you explain in such a meaningful and beautiful way that it opens our eyes to the world and it means sooo much to me and everyone who has the chance to read your blogs or listen to your lyrics or even just being able to read your tweets or read your messages on FFE.

    Thank you Hiba, you are such a beautiful person.

    ---------------------------------

    Wow, you have no idea what that means to me. Honestly. Thank you so much. I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends and supporters. Thank you, thank you, thank you! xoxox

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  9. While I like the main point of this blog--which seems to be "know and love yourself first"--I have to say that sometimes, those heartbreaks you have when you're a teenager are a learning experience in themselves. You sometimes HAVE to go through a few bad relationships to know and appreciate a good one when you have it. Like you, I have never been in love or in a serious relationship. I have, however, dated a few guys. Feelings were shared, and it didn't work out how I would've liked in the end. Even though I wasn't in a real relationship, some things DID happen that broke my heart. It hurt like hell, and I cried my eyes out. Even with all that pain, I wouldn't give up those mistakes for the world. I wouldn't suggest that anyone shy away from that. If you're young, and you're with a guy, let yourself feel whatever you can. He may or may not be the one. He may end up breaking your heart. But it's what you do AFTER that relationship or that heartbreak that REALLY counts. If you learn from it, then it was worth it.

    I'm not saying you're right or wrong or trying to disrespect you in any way. I LOVE your blogs. I just don't want people to think that they shouldn't believe in love at that age. There IS such a thing as being TOO cautious. If you're afraid of getting hurt, then you'll miss out on the good things that often come with the pain. It's never perfect. Love, I mean. While I do agree that you can't love someone else until you know and love yourself, and that NO ONE should be able to define your happiness but YOU, I don't think people should be afraid to look for love at any age. You may not find "the one" at fourteen or fifteen or even at twenty-two, but you CAN find a love that, while it lasts, is the greatest feeling in the world.

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  10. This is sooo true... i'll be sure to remember this next time me, or one of my friends is in this situation. AWESOME blog :)
    ily

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  11. wow, hiba this is amazing. you ave such a talent for writting. your words are so inspirational. i'll be sur to take all of the word you said int account in the future :)

    Emmy xx

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  12. I know what you mean. I have never been in love, let alone ever had a boyfriend but I see people around me all the time saying 'i love you' and it's like, how can you love someone at 16? The phrase has lost it's meaning.

    Your such an inspiration, don't stop :)
    Love you.
    -Emma
    xoxo

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  13. While I like the main point of this blog--which seems to be "know and love yourself first"--I have to say that sometimes, those heartbreaks you have when you're a teenager are a learning experience in themselves. You sometimes HAVE to go through a few bad relationships to know and appreciate a good one when you have it. Like you, I have never been in love or in a serious relationship. I have, however, dated a few guys. Feelings were shared, and it didn't work out how I would've liked in the end. Even though I wasn't in a real relationship, some things DID happen that broke my heart. It hurt like hell, and I cried my eyes out. Even with all that pain, I wouldn't give up those mistakes for the world. I wouldn't suggest that anyone shy away from that. If you're young, and you're with a guy, let yourself feel whatever you can. He may or may not be the one. He may end up breaking your heart. But it's what you do AFTER that relationship or that heartbreak that REALLY counts. If you learn from it, then it was worth it.

    I'm not saying you're right or wrong or trying to disrespect you in any way. I LOVE your blogs. I just don't want people to think that they shouldn't believe in love at that age. There IS such a thing as being TOO cautious. If you're afraid of getting hurt, then you'll miss out on the good things that often come with the pain. It's never perfect. Love, I mean. While I do agree that you can't love someone else until you know and love yourself, and that NO ONE should be able to define your happiness but YOU, I don't think people should be afraid to look for love at any age. You may not find "the one" at fourteen or fifteen or even at twenty-two, but you CAN find a love that, while it lasts, is the greatest feeling in the world.

    -------------------------------------------

    This blog isn't directed to everybody that reads my blogs. This blog is directed to a few of my friends, cause that is how this all started. I know a lot of my friends that make a big deal out of when a guy breaks up with them - that they'd only been dating for not even a month.

    I'm not trying to say don't believe in love at this age, that's the last thing somebody should never believe in.

    I'm just saying, that sometimes "being in love" and having a "happily ever after" and finding "the one" isn't always what life is about. The people I dedicated this blog to seem to think that that's what life is ALL about. They're too focused on finding "the one", that they end up dating sooo many guys - and going through rough times because they've set their hopes too high.

    Thank you for your comment, take care. :)

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  14. This is sooo true... i'll be sure to remember this next time me, or one of my friends is in this situation. AWESOME blog :)
    ily

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    THANK YOU. So much. And while I love for you to keep this advice for your future, I also advise you not to guarantee that this whole blog is true. Because everybody is different, everybody has their time. Time of birth, time of death, time of marriage, time of... So on.

    This blog was directed to a few people that I know of that set their hopes too high when they get a boyfriend.

    Thanks for reading, love you too. xoxo :)

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  15. wow, hiba this is amazing. you ave such a talent for writting. your words are so inspirational. i'll be sur to take all of the word you said int account in the future :)

    Emmy xx

    ----------------------------------

    Thanks so much Emmy, it means so much to me. But like I said above, And while I love for you to keep this advice for your future, I also advise you not to guarantee that this whole blog is true. Because everybody is different, everybody has their time. Time of birth, time of death, time of marriage, time of... So on.

    This blog was directed to a few people that I know of that set their hopes too high when they get a boyfriend.

    Thanks for reading and commenting, <3333

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  16. I know what you mean. I have never been in love, let alone ever had a boyfriend but I see people around me all the time saying 'i love you' and it's like, how can you love someone at 16? The phrase has lost it's meaning.

    Your such an inspiration, don't stop :)
    Love you.
    -Emma
    xoxo

    -----------------------------------------

    Hey Emma, I am so glad you know where I'm coming from. It means the world to me. Thank you sooo much. <33

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  17. I'm just saying, that sometimes "being in love" and having a "happily ever after" and finding "the one" isn't always what life is about. The people I dedicated this blog to seem to think that that's what life is ALL about. They're too focused on finding "the one", that they end up dating sooo many guys - and going through rough times because they've set their hopes too high.

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    Now THIS I completely agree with! No one, especially young girls, should dedicate their life to finding someone to be "the one". It should be about finding yourself, completing yourself, on your own. It's impossible to find true love if you don't know and love yourself. I have a friend like that; she's miserable if she's not with someone. It's sad to watch b/c she jumps into these bad relationships just to be in them. I definitely see your point there. Just misunderstood the blog the first time I read it, I guess. :-)

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  18. i do believe that's true. for short term, not serious relationships you shouldn't build hopes up...

    i can't help but set my hopes high on my boy though, i trust him far too much to have any doubts that i'll be with him for a very long time. 10 months is long enough to think that, right?

    the only way you can know or even think a relationship is gonna be long-term is if you've really gotten to know them and TALKED to them about everything; including your feelings, hopes and dreams. you need to have disagreements, arguments, disputes and get through those before you can even think about being forever. you need to trust them.

    what i'm tryna say is i don't think it's wrong to pin high hopes on a boy if you've gone through enough with them to know when it's right. :)
    and when it IS right, i think you should care for each other enough to stay friends even when you do break up.

    oh, and i don't believe in "The One"; as in one person that is perfect and right for you and they'll be the one you stay with forever. people fall in and out of love with many different people every day. if you fall in love, real love, and that ends... i think you can definitely feel the same love again; for another person!

    i ramble :S haha sorry. maybe i should start a blog. lol.

    - Christinee (@christine_JAF) :)

    P.S. i LOVE your blog Hiba; you're the same age as me but most people our age... they don't think on the level we do. or see things the same way. it's nice to be able to talk to someone who has a wider perspective on life.
    sorry i haven't commented much or anything haha, but i have been reading! :P

    ReplyDelete

Ignore the text below. I've turned the Anonymous option back on. I'll probably turn it back off soon because I really have no time for your pathetic comments, but you know what, go ahead. If you want to hide behind an anonymous picture and name, go for it. It doesn't make you much a bigger person, anyway. :)
------***From past experiences, you will no longer be allowed to post comments if you do not have a Google Account. I'm sorry to those of you doing the right thing, but I do not want Anonymous users commenting and this is the only way I can make that happen. I can not stop other people being ignorant however I can stop them from reaching me. If you're reading but you can not comment, I'd still like to thank you. Stay beautiful.