when things go wrong for me.. i always end up compare my life to those who are way more fortunate than i am (famous people)... and i have no idea why. i know that it's not gonna make me feel better, but i just always happen to do that. and what happens? "argh, i bet demi lovato's life is never like this". it just.. happens. i compare my life with another person's life who i know isn't as bad as mine. or happen to "think" it.
i have no idea where this blog is even leading you to but ima just keep going.
even though i ALWAYS do it, it annoys me when we compare bad times to another celebrities life and say "i bet this this that never went through this!". i know that it annoys them too.
because.. well, you see the person that the media has a spotlight on. you don't see the person who she/he really is.
and assuming that their life is "faaaaaaaaaaantastic" just because they're famous and everybody knows their name, they don't have bad days, is pointless.
because it definitely doesn't make you feel any better, and it doesn't make anybody else feel better, either.
i'm being a total hypocrite saying this right now, but i guess while i'm writing this blog.. i'm writing it for me. i just want a person to tell me this.. to tell me to knock out of it.. to tell me that blaming bad days on other people is ridiculous.
and yes i'm crazy enough to even attempt to tell myself.
but i'm also telling you. because even though it's hard to believe, i know that at least ONE person out there goes through what I go through.
and i want to be able to help me. and you.
it's been way too long that i haven't blogged, si?
forgive me on that. every time i attempt to write a blog... i fail.
but i'm only fourteen, almost fifteen. i've still got a whole life ahead of me.
a whole lot of stories to tell.
secrets to keep.
promises to make.
love to give.
and i hope.. that when i'm 20.. i'd still have this blog.
and that YOU still KNOW about this blog.
stay with me, folks...... by the time i'm 20, let's hope you don't even have to search for me because my blog would already be bookmarked on your computer! :P
love you so much. honestlyyy. i love you with everything in me. nothing can explain what i FEEL when you guys compliment me. when you tell me that I, a smalltown teenage girl, inspire YOU.
and a lot has happened over the past week.. that i can't seem to forget.. words do hurt. i know i've been telling you forever now, but it is true. and everybody needs remindings of the truth. because words do hurt.
but words do heal.
love you. xox -hibz
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
when you hurt online
It took me this long to realize how much damage being online can cause. And I'm not only talking about the obvious reasons like stalking and chatting to strangers. I'm talking about the arguments happening, people getting hurt because somebody comments their Facebook picture in a negative way.
I was reading Miley's blog last night. She made me open my eyes.
The internet has a lot of amazing things. It allows you to chat with your friends without having a phone or being face-to-face with them. It allows you to find out the latest gossip about your favorite celebrities. It allows you to speak to the world behind just a screen. But.. It also allows you to talk about somebody negatively, anonymously. With no consequences at all. All that will happen is the bully will feel good about themselves and you will feel worse.
And nobody can really help you. You're on your own. And it hurts. Oh boy, does it hurt. Not only the fact that you're being bitched about. But by somebody who you might or might not even know. Somebody who might go to your school. Somebody who might be your friend. A stranger that doesn't even know you. You don't know anything at all because this person was too afraid of letting you know who they are but not afraid of saying something bad about you.
Sure, we all have opinions. But bullying is never just an opinion. It's way more than that. Because ya'll just take it way too far.
I'm not going to lie and say I have never talked about somebody in my life before. Because I know I have. And I am sure YOU have too. Because none of us are perfect.
But.. It's our imperfections that make us who we are today. We make a mistake. We see the result it causes. We learn from that mistake and try to never repeat it again. That's how I learned.
Some people.. Decide to learn the hard way. Make a mistake. See the result it causes. Ignore the result and keep making that mistake without actually realizing it's a mistake.
There are different types of people in the world. Sensitive.. Shy.. Outgoing.. Crazy.. But the hard part is that you have to think of what you're going to post online because everybody might take it in a different way.
I might get offended about something you said but another person may not. It's just what makes us different people. We have different minds and thoughts.
But that's why you should think about what you're going to post online. For everybody to see. Because "everybody" aren't always who you think they are and therefore, not everything revolves around you and what YOU think.
I think that we all need breaks from the online-world every once in a while. Not only because you have to socialize with people face-to-face and not just behind a computer screen.. But because of everything you are getting caught up with through the internet.
All the gossip sites, the youtube channels, the social-networking sites.. They're addictive. You WANT to and you feel the NEED to get on everyday to check new stuff out. Who has left comments on your pictures? Who commented on your Youtube videos? Did Fred post a new vid?! OMGG MILEY DID WHAT!!!? Tweet Tweet Tweet!
We're all getting caught up in the w0rld that we're staring at from behind a computer screen. A world that we can never really enter.. Just stare at. Get sucked in slowly..
I just want you to you my sweetness.. That there's more to life than Facebook and Twitter and even OceanUP. There's a whole world out there and it's calling your name. If you ever get tired of those selfish people online.. Don't be afraid to simply shut down your computer.
Sit outside in the sunshine, perhaps. I did, yesterday. For hours. I had my earphones in and I replayed "Black Keys" over and over again. It felt good. It felt like everything was blocked out. No computer. No Twittering. Nothing. Just a way of spending time with myself and trying to figure out who I am.
You should try it, my loves. It really is amazing to just let go of that computer-mouse, take your eyes off the computer-screen and just speak to the world without typing.
And who knows? Maybe you'll find out something new without having to Google it. ;) I love you!!
P.S This blog was written for EVERYBODY out there. Because right now you are on the internet. How did you get to this page? It all travels around. And in some sort of way.. It was also written for ME. Because.. I need reminders, myself. I'm not perfect.
xoxo -Hibz
I was reading Miley's blog last night. She made me open my eyes.
The internet has a lot of amazing things. It allows you to chat with your friends without having a phone or being face-to-face with them. It allows you to find out the latest gossip about your favorite celebrities. It allows you to speak to the world behind just a screen. But.. It also allows you to talk about somebody negatively, anonymously. With no consequences at all. All that will happen is the bully will feel good about themselves and you will feel worse.
And nobody can really help you. You're on your own. And it hurts. Oh boy, does it hurt. Not only the fact that you're being bitched about. But by somebody who you might or might not even know. Somebody who might go to your school. Somebody who might be your friend. A stranger that doesn't even know you. You don't know anything at all because this person was too afraid of letting you know who they are but not afraid of saying something bad about you.
Sure, we all have opinions. But bullying is never just an opinion. It's way more than that. Because ya'll just take it way too far.
I'm not going to lie and say I have never talked about somebody in my life before. Because I know I have. And I am sure YOU have too. Because none of us are perfect.
But.. It's our imperfections that make us who we are today. We make a mistake. We see the result it causes. We learn from that mistake and try to never repeat it again. That's how I learned.
Some people.. Decide to learn the hard way. Make a mistake. See the result it causes. Ignore the result and keep making that mistake without actually realizing it's a mistake.
There are different types of people in the world. Sensitive.. Shy.. Outgoing.. Crazy.. But the hard part is that you have to think of what you're going to post online because everybody might take it in a different way.
I might get offended about something you said but another person may not. It's just what makes us different people. We have different minds and thoughts.
But that's why you should think about what you're going to post online. For everybody to see. Because "everybody" aren't always who you think they are and therefore, not everything revolves around you and what YOU think.
I think that we all need breaks from the online-world every once in a while. Not only because you have to socialize with people face-to-face and not just behind a computer screen.. But because of everything you are getting caught up with through the internet.
All the gossip sites, the youtube channels, the social-networking sites.. They're addictive. You WANT to and you feel the NEED to get on everyday to check new stuff out. Who has left comments on your pictures? Who commented on your Youtube videos? Did Fred post a new vid?! OMGG MILEY DID WHAT!!!? Tweet Tweet Tweet!
We're all getting caught up in the w0rld that we're staring at from behind a computer screen. A world that we can never really enter.. Just stare at. Get sucked in slowly..
I just want you to you my sweetness.. That there's more to life than Facebook and Twitter and even OceanUP. There's a whole world out there and it's calling your name. If you ever get tired of those selfish people online.. Don't be afraid to simply shut down your computer.
Sit outside in the sunshine, perhaps. I did, yesterday. For hours. I had my earphones in and I replayed "Black Keys" over and over again. It felt good. It felt like everything was blocked out. No computer. No Twittering. Nothing. Just a way of spending time with myself and trying to figure out who I am.
You should try it, my loves. It really is amazing to just let go of that computer-mouse, take your eyes off the computer-screen and just speak to the world without typing.
And who knows? Maybe you'll find out something new without having to Google it. ;) I love you!!
P.S This blog was written for EVERYBODY out there. Because right now you are on the internet. How did you get to this page? It all travels around. And in some sort of way.. It was also written for ME. Because.. I need reminders, myself. I'm not perfect.
xoxo -Hibz
Saturday, October 10, 2009
you are beautiful.
There's day in my life where I have a reason to be sad. But then again, there's sometimes days when I am sad and feeling depressed.. I realize it's for no reason that I know of. After I give myself a reality check, I expect myself to feel happier.. but that never just "changes".
I don't know why.
Some of you know what kind of person I am. Some of you don't. And some of you take advantage of it (you know who I'm talking about). I have.. modes, I guess you can call it. Life modes. I'm sensitive and I'm fragile. I take things seriously. My heart gets broken very easily. It's annoying sometimes. I'm also.. two different people, I guess you can call it. One time I'll be very quite and kind of to myself a bit. But the next, I'll be out there being all crazy and that. I'm sure that a lot of people in the world are like me.
But sometimes I just can't bring myself to believe in that. I feel alone.
Sometimes.. I just want somebody to be there to understand everything I'm saying, even if I'm mumbling words. You guys are always there. But it's kind of hard to explain things online.
I can't always be with my best-friend and I'm not close with my mum.
So I kind of have to deal with things myself. Which is so, so hard for me because I have a lot of things on my plate right now from school to family to general girl problems.
I guess the only thing I can turn to sometimes is my laptop or my diary. To write. When I write, I don't write staring into the future. I just write because I want to let things out, not because I want to remember this day forever.
Writing something down is exactly like letting it all out for me. Writing helps me and that's why I love it.
Some of you may be having tough times in your life right now. If it's losing a close friend/family member.. Losing something or someone you can not replace. Dealing with friendship or relationship problems.
I just want you to know something.
There's always going to be somebody you can turn to. Or something.
If it's God, your mum, your friends, your computer, your diary.. After letting it all out, you'll feel better.
Just remember that I'M there, too. That I'm sitting here.. Just thinking of you all. Because I love you that much..
So next time you feel down and upset.. I want you to keep reminding yourself that you're beautiful. Inside, outside and all other sides.
And if you can't remind yourself, let ME remind YOU.
Because you really are beautiful. <3
-Hibz
I don't know why.
Some of you know what kind of person I am. Some of you don't. And some of you take advantage of it (you know who I'm talking about). I have.. modes, I guess you can call it. Life modes. I'm sensitive and I'm fragile. I take things seriously. My heart gets broken very easily. It's annoying sometimes. I'm also.. two different people, I guess you can call it. One time I'll be very quite and kind of to myself a bit. But the next, I'll be out there being all crazy and that. I'm sure that a lot of people in the world are like me.
But sometimes I just can't bring myself to believe in that. I feel alone.
Sometimes.. I just want somebody to be there to understand everything I'm saying, even if I'm mumbling words. You guys are always there. But it's kind of hard to explain things online.
I can't always be with my best-friend and I'm not close with my mum.
So I kind of have to deal with things myself. Which is so, so hard for me because I have a lot of things on my plate right now from school to family to general girl problems.
I guess the only thing I can turn to sometimes is my laptop or my diary. To write. When I write, I don't write staring into the future. I just write because I want to let things out, not because I want to remember this day forever.
Writing something down is exactly like letting it all out for me. Writing helps me and that's why I love it.
Some of you may be having tough times in your life right now. If it's losing a close friend/family member.. Losing something or someone you can not replace. Dealing with friendship or relationship problems.
I just want you to know something.
There's always going to be somebody you can turn to. Or something.
If it's God, your mum, your friends, your computer, your diary.. After letting it all out, you'll feel better.
Just remember that I'M there, too. That I'm sitting here.. Just thinking of you all. Because I love you that much..
So next time you feel down and upset.. I want you to keep reminding yourself that you're beautiful. Inside, outside and all other sides.
And if you can't remind yourself, let ME remind YOU.
Because you really are beautiful. <3
-Hibz
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
you're amazing. yes, you.
When someone compliments you, don't you feel good?
When someone compliments you about a talent, you feel even better.
You guys are amazing. Incredibly amazing. I can't thank you enough but I am going to try to. So here I go..
Wow. Nothing can explain the feeling that I get when people tell me good things about the thing I love doing most: Writing. I love to write. It's a passion. It grew on me as I grew older and it is still growing on me. I'm learning new things each day and it's amazing to be able to tell you guys by writing a song. Your words mean a lot to me, honestly.
YOU'RE the reason why I am still writing today. Why I have kept my faith. You guys have helped me much more than you know. The comments you leave, leave butterflies in my stomach because I am so excited to show you more and show the rest of the world when it's time.
When you tell me that I'VE inspired YOU, that inspires ME. You have no idea. It's just amazing to have been blessed with a talent that helps me with life. When I have a tough day, I write and from my writing, comes songs. It helps me get everything all out.
I'm not going to deny that I have a talent. The point of having a talent is believing and realizing that you DO have a talent. The talent grows stronger by the day. And when people remind me that I have a talent, I don't tell them "Noo, I don't.." and blush. I don't say "I know!!!" either. I thank them.
I also thank God. For blessing me with something that I love so much and that you guys support me with. Without your love and support, I wouldn't believe in myself as much as I do today.
So THANK YOU. I love you with all of my heart. <3
When someone compliments you about a talent, you feel even better.
You guys are amazing. Incredibly amazing. I can't thank you enough but I am going to try to. So here I go..
Wow. Nothing can explain the feeling that I get when people tell me good things about the thing I love doing most: Writing. I love to write. It's a passion. It grew on me as I grew older and it is still growing on me. I'm learning new things each day and it's amazing to be able to tell you guys by writing a song. Your words mean a lot to me, honestly.
YOU'RE the reason why I am still writing today. Why I have kept my faith. You guys have helped me much more than you know. The comments you leave, leave butterflies in my stomach because I am so excited to show you more and show the rest of the world when it's time.
When you tell me that I'VE inspired YOU, that inspires ME. You have no idea. It's just amazing to have been blessed with a talent that helps me with life. When I have a tough day, I write and from my writing, comes songs. It helps me get everything all out.
I'm not going to deny that I have a talent. The point of having a talent is believing and realizing that you DO have a talent. The talent grows stronger by the day. And when people remind me that I have a talent, I don't tell them "Noo, I don't.." and blush. I don't say "I know!!!" either. I thank them.
I also thank God. For blessing me with something that I love so much and that you guys support me with. Without your love and support, I wouldn't believe in myself as much as I do today.
So THANK YOU. I love you with all of my heart. <3
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
what's the point?!
what's the point of putting others down? what's the point? is it so you can feel good and powerful and bigger than us? is it because you think your opinion is always needed everywhere? is it because you think what you're saying is right but really, it's not?
well i'll tell you something. i'm not interested in what you think you're doing for me or anybody else. if i ask for your opinion, sure, tell me. but you have no right coming onto my personal blog and giving me your shit-ass comments which i do not need. i don't need someone who's afraid of letting me know who they're really are.. telling ME that I'M talking shit.
who are you to tell me that? oh, right.. nobody knows.. cause you're a little scared shit who has nothing better to do than comment on the blogs that they do not like.
and the worst part is, i would have thought you're, you know, brave or whatever but that all washed off my mind when i saw you commented as a anonymous.
scared much?
are you afraid if i tell people about you, they'd see the true you? the one that tries insulting another person JUST to make yourself feel a little better?
of course, we all have our own opinions. sometimes our opinions can give us big-heads. this is the case. an opinion isn't the TRUTH. it's just a person's perspective of something in-particular. and here you are, making it sound like you're some top bitch. you don't own me. you don't own australianFFE. you don't own this blog. you don't and never will own the jonas brothers, either.
which means you can't tell others when to and when not to speak about them and where to and where not to. which means you can't tell ME what to talk about on the Twitter that I CREATED for fans to connect.
Oh. Yeah. So you're telling me that I'm not allowed to write personal tweets just because it's a twitter for Jonas Brothers fans? Hahahaha. You crack me up. I don't want the fans to look at our Twitter and find info they can find pretty much anywhere else. It's not all about the info. It's about bonding between OTHER JB fans. Personal tweets help when you wanna make friends with people you connect with.
get a life asshole.
maybe you should think about it at least?
so instead of commenting me with those pointless opinions of yours when you know that i will not appreciate them, don't comment at all.
it's simple. it's easy.
p.s sorry for calling you a bitch and an asshole. i should have thought of something more insulting.
p.p.s i'm not just going to let you get away with anything you do, even if i don't know who you are. i'm not going to look like a girl who's afraid of standing up for herself when people give her shit like this because i'm not that girl
byeeeeee loser..
and as for everybody else who's been supporting me.. thank you.
well i'll tell you something. i'm not interested in what you think you're doing for me or anybody else. if i ask for your opinion, sure, tell me. but you have no right coming onto my personal blog and giving me your shit-ass comments which i do not need. i don't need someone who's afraid of letting me know who they're really are.. telling ME that I'M talking shit.
who are you to tell me that? oh, right.. nobody knows.. cause you're a little scared shit who has nothing better to do than comment on the blogs that they do not like.
and the worst part is, i would have thought you're, you know, brave or whatever but that all washed off my mind when i saw you commented as a anonymous.
scared much?
are you afraid if i tell people about you, they'd see the true you? the one that tries insulting another person JUST to make yourself feel a little better?
of course, we all have our own opinions. sometimes our opinions can give us big-heads. this is the case. an opinion isn't the TRUTH. it's just a person's perspective of something in-particular. and here you are, making it sound like you're some top bitch. you don't own me. you don't own australianFFE. you don't own this blog. you don't and never will own the jonas brothers, either.
which means you can't tell others when to and when not to speak about them and where to and where not to. which means you can't tell ME what to talk about on the Twitter that I CREATED for fans to connect.
Oh. Yeah. So you're telling me that I'm not allowed to write personal tweets just because it's a twitter for Jonas Brothers fans? Hahahaha. You crack me up. I don't want the fans to look at our Twitter and find info they can find pretty much anywhere else. It's not all about the info. It's about bonding between OTHER JB fans. Personal tweets help when you wanna make friends with people you connect with.
get a life asshole.
maybe you should think about it at least?
so instead of commenting me with those pointless opinions of yours when you know that i will not appreciate them, don't comment at all.
it's simple. it's easy.
p.s sorry for calling you a bitch and an asshole. i should have thought of something more insulting.
p.p.s i'm not just going to let you get away with anything you do, even if i don't know who you are. i'm not going to look like a girl who's afraid of standing up for herself when people give her shit like this because i'm not that girl
byeeeeee loser..
and as for everybody else who's been supporting me.. thank you.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
hearts like sand
have you ever felt alone? like you're the only person in the whole entire world feeling the way you do? like the walls to your bedroom are closing in on you slowly? like you just wanna run away and never look back? like you just wanna rewind time and change everything?
i have. i am. right now.
when you lose all your hope and faith.. you can't turn to anybody. and i hate to say this.. but not even God. if you lose your faith, you lose your belief. and that's what's killing me at the moment.
when things don't go my way, of course i'm all like "god why are you doing this to me, god why is this happening, why am i so imperfect blah blah blah".. it's because when things happen.. you NEED someone to blame..you can't just blame yourself for your problems..you need somebody else to blame..not saying it'll make you feel any better, most of the time, but it does get a little feather off your back.
i hate being so sensitive. it gets to me all the time. i get offended for OTHER people. imagine if i get offended for MYSELF - how bad that is for me..i don't like being so sensitive and fragile. my heart is like dry sand on the beach..you touch one little bit..and my heart falls apart. you touch it with your finger, and viola.. there's a hole. that's how fragile i am.
and this leads to me being a quiet person. a quiet person who likes to keep to herself sometimes. but then.. things change. especially when i'm with my friends and, i don't know, like had an energy drink or something.. i just act all crazy and sarcastic and funny and all of that.
it's annoying. the fact that i'm practically two people...but those two people have the same "settings", i guess you can call it.
these two people have sand hearts. but these two people aren't exactly the same.
it's like hannah montana in real life..only i don't wear a wig, i'm not a secret rockstar and i don't get paid to be two different people. it's weird how somebody is getting paid to ACT like a real person can be. oh and did i mention the fact that i ain't miley cyrus? sometimes i wish i could be.
and no, not just to get close to "nick jonas" or be well known across the world.. it's much more than that. so i could have parents that KNOW what i'm going through..that support me ALL the time..so i could have friends and fans who also support me and are always there when i need someone to talk to.
my parents do support me. but not as much as i wish they could. they're the type that just want to see me get married and have kids and live happily ever after and the end. i don't want my life to be like this. i always argue with my mum and this is the main reason why. i hate it when she thinks she can control my life and take over.
nobody can change the way i sometimes feel about her when she's not fair to me. everybody tells me it's because she's afraid of letting me go or whatever.. but there's a whole world out there and it's calling my name. i don't want to ignore it and i'm not going to. of course i would love to get married and create a family.. but one day. i'm not rushed for anything like that because i know once i get married and have kids, i'm going to be a lot busier. i need to have time for my kids and husband and all of that wife/mum sorta thing. i don't want that to happen before anything else happens that i WANT to live.
persuing your dream, when you want to become a well known artist/writer, takes a long, long time, wheather you want it to or not (especially when you're dad wasn't an artist back in his days and um, isn't called billy ray cyrus or anything like that). getting married and having children doesn't take a very long time, if you want it to and CAN take a long time if you want it to.
my daddy is always on my side.. well, not always but i'm much more closer to him than i am with my mum. i've always wished to have a mum i could tell anything to. a mum that could be my best-friend. but i guess i'm never going to have that mum. but i can not wait to have a daughter, who when she becomes a teenager, trusts me enough to tell me anything she wants to.
i guess i get jealous because my best-friend and her mum have the bestest relationship i have ever seen. they're like best-friends. she tells her mum everything and her mum supports her. but then.. she's not like that with her dad. she's not close with her dad, i am. she's close with her mum, i'm not.
it's like she has the mother i never had and i have the father she never had.
this and that happened and then i came to conclusion.. that everybody has two modes. everything is at least two different people.
NOBODY is one person ALL the time. *cough cough*, especially if you're a girl and you PMS like, i don't know, every month..and your mood changes like, oh i don't know, EVERY DAY!!
and then it OFFICIALLY concludes to the fact that i am NEVER alone..even though it may be hard to imagine or believe..but there is always somebody else in the world that feels the way you do.
and if it's too hard to imagine.. you've always got your LORD. you've always got JESUS. you've always got MOHAMMED (prophet). you've got MARY. they are all looking down at you..hoping that you keep holding on..
And you've also got ME..beautiful friends..I was going through a hard time. a very hard time, actually. and writing this blog, like i'm speaking directy TO you..made me feel better inside.
remember that you've always got at least someone to turn to when times are tough. for me, it's God..well, and my laptop. if you can't find anybody to turn to..turn to ME.
i'll be there.
and to all the other hearts out there that are like sand..i'm proud to say sometimes our hearts being so fragile can be a good thing. not ONLY are we considered "relatives" BUTTTT we can also save ourselves from those people who joke around just a bit tooooo much..who one day might do something really stupid and you regret ever letting them in or blah blah.
te-quiero, amigas.. para-siempre y alguna-vez. i love you all forever.. and ever.
AND for the record.. if you DON'T like my blogs, DON'T comment. it's simple and easy. i don't need to hear your 2-cent comments, thank you very much.
i have. i am. right now.
when you lose all your hope and faith.. you can't turn to anybody. and i hate to say this.. but not even God. if you lose your faith, you lose your belief. and that's what's killing me at the moment.
when things don't go my way, of course i'm all like "god why are you doing this to me, god why is this happening, why am i so imperfect blah blah blah".. it's because when things happen.. you NEED someone to blame..you can't just blame yourself for your problems..you need somebody else to blame..not saying it'll make you feel any better, most of the time, but it does get a little feather off your back.
i hate being so sensitive. it gets to me all the time. i get offended for OTHER people. imagine if i get offended for MYSELF - how bad that is for me..i don't like being so sensitive and fragile. my heart is like dry sand on the beach..you touch one little bit..and my heart falls apart. you touch it with your finger, and viola.. there's a hole. that's how fragile i am.
and this leads to me being a quiet person. a quiet person who likes to keep to herself sometimes. but then.. things change. especially when i'm with my friends and, i don't know, like had an energy drink or something.. i just act all crazy and sarcastic and funny and all of that.
it's annoying. the fact that i'm practically two people...but those two people have the same "settings", i guess you can call it.
these two people have sand hearts. but these two people aren't exactly the same.
it's like hannah montana in real life..only i don't wear a wig, i'm not a secret rockstar and i don't get paid to be two different people. it's weird how somebody is getting paid to ACT like a real person can be. oh and did i mention the fact that i ain't miley cyrus? sometimes i wish i could be.
and no, not just to get close to "nick jonas" or be well known across the world.. it's much more than that. so i could have parents that KNOW what i'm going through..that support me ALL the time..so i could have friends and fans who also support me and are always there when i need someone to talk to.
my parents do support me. but not as much as i wish they could. they're the type that just want to see me get married and have kids and live happily ever after and the end. i don't want my life to be like this. i always argue with my mum and this is the main reason why. i hate it when she thinks she can control my life and take over.
nobody can change the way i sometimes feel about her when she's not fair to me. everybody tells me it's because she's afraid of letting me go or whatever.. but there's a whole world out there and it's calling my name. i don't want to ignore it and i'm not going to. of course i would love to get married and create a family.. but one day. i'm not rushed for anything like that because i know once i get married and have kids, i'm going to be a lot busier. i need to have time for my kids and husband and all of that wife/mum sorta thing. i don't want that to happen before anything else happens that i WANT to live.
persuing your dream, when you want to become a well known artist/writer, takes a long, long time, wheather you want it to or not (especially when you're dad wasn't an artist back in his days and um, isn't called billy ray cyrus or anything like that). getting married and having children doesn't take a very long time, if you want it to and CAN take a long time if you want it to.
my daddy is always on my side.. well, not always but i'm much more closer to him than i am with my mum. i've always wished to have a mum i could tell anything to. a mum that could be my best-friend. but i guess i'm never going to have that mum. but i can not wait to have a daughter, who when she becomes a teenager, trusts me enough to tell me anything she wants to.
i guess i get jealous because my best-friend and her mum have the bestest relationship i have ever seen. they're like best-friends. she tells her mum everything and her mum supports her. but then.. she's not like that with her dad. she's not close with her dad, i am. she's close with her mum, i'm not.
it's like she has the mother i never had and i have the father she never had.
this and that happened and then i came to conclusion.. that everybody has two modes. everything is at least two different people.
NOBODY is one person ALL the time. *cough cough*, especially if you're a girl and you PMS like, i don't know, every month..and your mood changes like, oh i don't know, EVERY DAY!!
and then it OFFICIALLY concludes to the fact that i am NEVER alone..even though it may be hard to imagine or believe..but there is always somebody else in the world that feels the way you do.
and if it's too hard to imagine.. you've always got your LORD. you've always got JESUS. you've always got MOHAMMED (prophet). you've got MARY. they are all looking down at you..hoping that you keep holding on..
And you've also got ME..beautiful friends..I was going through a hard time. a very hard time, actually. and writing this blog, like i'm speaking directy TO you..made me feel better inside.
remember that you've always got at least someone to turn to when times are tough. for me, it's God..well, and my laptop. if you can't find anybody to turn to..turn to ME.
i'll be there.
and to all the other hearts out there that are like sand..i'm proud to say sometimes our hearts being so fragile can be a good thing. not ONLY are we considered "relatives" BUTTTT we can also save ourselves from those people who joke around just a bit tooooo much..who one day might do something really stupid and you regret ever letting them in or blah blah.
te-quiero, amigas.. para-siempre y alguna-vez. i love you all forever.. and ever.
AND for the record.. if you DON'T like my blogs, DON'T comment. it's simple and easy. i don't need to hear your 2-cent comments, thank you very much.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
dreams..
i've literally been sitting on my computer for so long.. thinking of what to blog about. i hate when these writers blocks make their way towards me and my life. it's so annoying and frustrating; especially because writing is important to me. when you can't do something you love - it gets on your nerves.
anyhoo - moving on now. it's about time i actually write a blog that's worth reading!
do you have parents who protect you a little.. too much? have you ever been forbidden to go after your dream? are your parents afraid of letting you go? are you stuck in the house? do you wanna get out into the real world and go after your dream.. but somebody in your life is pulling you back?
i was thinking about it today.. some of you want to be an actor. some of you want to become a chef, an author, teacher, doctor, lawyer.. I respect whatever you're dream is. But always.. in every person's life.. there will be people that DON'T respect YOU and what YOU want to do.
you can't become a doctor when you're stuck inside of a room, only 4 walls surrounding you. you can't become a teacher if you don't go out and even TRY.
i just wish parents could understand that.
i was thinking today. I had an argument with my mum and after a while I'm like, "who am i kidding? i'll never become well-known or successful for what i love doing." I mean, in my opinion, if you can't become who you want to become in life, there's no point in living it. some of you don't know who you want you become because you don't know who you are RIGHT NOW.
there always has to be a place where you start, for you to jump onto something else.
my point is.. don't hold back. fight for what you believe. fight for yourself. do you want to live your life doing something you never wanted to do? and being a person you don't wanna be? i don't think so.
never ever ever EVER let a single person hold you back from your dream.
sometimes, it's YOU who's holding back YOU.. don't do that.. it hurts. it hurts to see you hurt yourself. honestly, it does. when you let this happen, i lose my faith.
i've seen people make these kind of mistakes. they're not "allowed" to be what they want to be so they just.. don't. they live a whole different life to what they had planned. i don't want to make that mistake.
and i don't want to see you making that mistake.
how are we supposed to believe when you don't? it's much harder to believe in something when you see others failing at it.
now of course, there's going to be times where i just sit back and think negativly like i just pointed out before. but that's normal. in the end, it's what's making me stronger.
and me being strong, is believing that YOU'RE strong as well..
so, my beautiful friends.. in the future, i want to be able to google your name and read something that will make me smile. i want to be able to read your name.. see your picture.. read what you're doing.. and i hope it's what you WANT to do.
NEVER let the fear of ANYTHING keep you from going after your dream.
a dream is a wish that you make.. a wish you want to be able to live forever doing.
have a good day, amiga's. and know that i am thinking of you.
xox -hibz
anyhoo - moving on now. it's about time i actually write a blog that's worth reading!
do you have parents who protect you a little.. too much? have you ever been forbidden to go after your dream? are your parents afraid of letting you go? are you stuck in the house? do you wanna get out into the real world and go after your dream.. but somebody in your life is pulling you back?
i was thinking about it today.. some of you want to be an actor. some of you want to become a chef, an author, teacher, doctor, lawyer.. I respect whatever you're dream is. But always.. in every person's life.. there will be people that DON'T respect YOU and what YOU want to do.
you can't become a doctor when you're stuck inside of a room, only 4 walls surrounding you. you can't become a teacher if you don't go out and even TRY.
i just wish parents could understand that.
i was thinking today. I had an argument with my mum and after a while I'm like, "who am i kidding? i'll never become well-known or successful for what i love doing." I mean, in my opinion, if you can't become who you want to become in life, there's no point in living it. some of you don't know who you want you become because you don't know who you are RIGHT NOW.
there always has to be a place where you start, for you to jump onto something else.
my point is.. don't hold back. fight for what you believe. fight for yourself. do you want to live your life doing something you never wanted to do? and being a person you don't wanna be? i don't think so.
never ever ever EVER let a single person hold you back from your dream.
sometimes, it's YOU who's holding back YOU.. don't do that.. it hurts. it hurts to see you hurt yourself. honestly, it does. when you let this happen, i lose my faith.
i've seen people make these kind of mistakes. they're not "allowed" to be what they want to be so they just.. don't. they live a whole different life to what they had planned. i don't want to make that mistake.
and i don't want to see you making that mistake.
how are we supposed to believe when you don't? it's much harder to believe in something when you see others failing at it.
now of course, there's going to be times where i just sit back and think negativly like i just pointed out before. but that's normal. in the end, it's what's making me stronger.
and me being strong, is believing that YOU'RE strong as well..
so, my beautiful friends.. in the future, i want to be able to google your name and read something that will make me smile. i want to be able to read your name.. see your picture.. read what you're doing.. and i hope it's what you WANT to do.
NEVER let the fear of ANYTHING keep you from going after your dream.
a dream is a wish that you make.. a wish you want to be able to live forever doing.
have a good day, amiga's. and know that i am thinking of you.
xox -hibz
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